Why give to March for Babies?

I have my own personal reasons and stories of loved ones that I've shared that have passed away. And also some of my close friends have shared their stories or maybe I have. It is possible you've heard about Caiden, and my younger sister, and Elizabeth...

But now I'm praying that you read this and it moves you to donate, one way or another:

"I know how important is March for Babies. I had very sick children with different, but altogether life threatening illnesses, and I have lost a baby, between Autumn and Adella.

Autumn we almost lost at a year: born with no antibodies, the doctor said she wouldn't make it and if she did she would never have a normal life... but God was with her. She was also born with no growth cells and in 1st grade she wore a size 3-T (and the doctors said she was done growing!) yet all my friends gathered around and prayed in faith. With a new doctor, shots 3 times a week for a year, she did grow - and dealt with all the side-effects - but she said God would take care of her and He did.

My Adella was born deaf and never heard anything until she was 11 months old, and she had other problems related to that but, God was there. She now has a plastic in her ear so she can hear about (our God is awesome!).

Amanda, my angry child, had problem with how different things feel. She was a preemie, born in May though she was not supposed be here till July 4th... and my other two I had carried them for 10 months to the day, so we were expecting her around Aug. And then once she was born, she had no will to live, it was hard to see a child not fight to stay and we had to fight for her for over three months till she finally decided she wanted to stay, Prayer was there, and afterward I went to therapy with her starting when she was 18 months old. They would put her in a sand box with a diaper only and I sat with her and see her scream for weeks till she understood it wouldn't hurt her.

I could tell you stories about babies and how families need support and about how God can bring you thought it.
-Spring Boling

I know Autumn, and Adella, and "Minnow" (Amanda). They are adults, and Autumn and Adella have kids of their own... in fact, Adella just had a BEAUTIFUL baby girl - Alicia Rose - she looks like a porcelain doll!

The thing is, I read this and I can think of other moms who went through similar struggles. And I know it's hard for Angela, but I would love for her to share her experience with Elizabeth, and Haylee, and Nathaniel. What prenatal care did, and what it couldn't accomplish as it stands right now - how much more research and treatment is still left to go.

You know, I remember that a baby born before 6 months was considered a miscarriage 15 years ago. But now there are babies born only 4.5 - 5 months, babies born only weighing 2 pounds, babies that fit into the palm of your hands from head to toe! And they make it!

But it doesn't happen by osmosis or wishful thinking! And it's so easy for us to wait until someone else does something about it... unless it's affecting us directly! What is it about our human condition that we have to get beat up by the trials in life before we'll fight back? Because other wise we don't really care?

Either way, here is the link. I thank those of you who have given, because I know it is in your heart to do so! I'm seriously not trying to preach to the choir.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/mhass1129

Fundraising!

I am starting to get back on the ball with the fundraising for a couple of things that have a soft spot in my heart.

So, for Relay for Life, I bought 2 Luminaras, one in memory of my "Abuela" Teresa and one in honor of my Aunt Virginia. That's a $20 donation that puts me at half way there from my goal. Then I also ordered my family's gear for that event - and the proceeds go to the American Cancer Association - AND we can keep the items and use them for the gym. I got a shirt for Paul, a long-sleeved shirt for Vi, for me, for the kids, and a onesie for Caleb. It should be here soon or at least by May 10th. Not that it's that important to begin with, but I personally would like to wear the shirt when I hit the gym after that too.

Which reminds me, I need to go through my closet. I have tons of clothes I do not use, and then some more than now are a bit too big and baggy, and if I get rid of all of it then I'll SEE what I need to buy (clothes-wise) and keep it in mind when I go shopping versus buying a whole bunch of stuff on a whim that further gets buried under the mess of stuff I don't wear.

That was a rabbit trail. Sorry. I multi-task.

I also joined March for Babies, funded by March for Dimes. March for Dimes funds research and treatment to help more moms give birth to healthy babies, mainly focusing on bringing the babies to birth full term and providing better medical care when they are born prematurely. They also help to research and prevent birth defects.

My sister-in-law was doing March for Babies on April 24th, and I missed the facebook post when she announced it! I also have no idea how to donate for her. But I also joined the Anchorage March for Babies on May 15th, and Paul and I will be walking 3 miles for Caiden Anthony, for Elizabeth Hope, and for my unknown little sister.

Not a lot of people know that my little sister, Valentina, was actually a twin. My mom was pregnant with twins, and around the 7th month she went into pre-term labor. Valentina was born ok, but her twin was under-developed and couldn't survive outside the womb. I was 6 years old then, and I don't know in detail how my mom coped with that. We were too happy to have Valentina, and as far as my other sister - we didn't name her, or mourn her... But that's the way babies born dead were "dealt with" in the early 90s, by medical staff and by society. And my mom had herself, Valentina, and me at home to take care of and be strong for.

Well, I love my little sister, and I'm thankful to God for her!

But it's hard to let go of a life that you were so anticipating sharing. I don't know exactly how that feels as a Mom but I know I almost lost Anakin at one point and Paul and I were just not ready... You never are. You find out that a baby is on the way and you brace yourself to have your whole life changed in the most wonderful way... and I can only imagine an indescribable emptiness and sense of loss from NOT having your life changed by this child. It's like I heard in the movie "Facing the Giants": "How could I love someone so much that I haven't even met?"

Maybe that's why I can't understand abortion. But that's another blog. I'm walking on May 15th for all the moms who wanted their babies, who mourned for them, and for the hope of more Moms not experiencing that pain.

And then the NEXT Saturday, May 21-22nd, I'm doing relay for life - a non-stop walking around the track because "cancer never sleeps", which means by June I will be exhausted. But it will be worth it. Now I'm praying I can rally some physical support from my church and my friends - maybe have someone walk w/ me (I would like to not be the only one on the track for 24 hours!), help with fundraising, or help w/ setting up a tent for us. We shall see. I want to offer something at my booth to help the fundraising during this day, but I need to know what kind of manpower I will have.

I feel Good!

You know, lately the more and more I live and experience my walk with God, the more I choose to not live in the rut of mediocrity but in the adventure of the moment.

Wow that was a deep brain fart!

But what I mean is, I spent two years of my life in "mid-life crisis"... Only I'm not yet twenty-five!! I'm like, "Work, clean, kids, church... is this it? Is this really it?" Or I would be like, "I would've liked to have had the chance to... but..." As if I was a terminal cancer patient! So by the grace of God He is stirring up all these "childhood" desires and I'm going out there determined to give it my all.

So I tried my hand at racquetball. I suck, but I'm getting better (says Paul) and I think that will be the first sport I play since... ever. Yeah I know. I was that pathetic. I also push myself everytime I go to the gym to do something harder and longer than I did the previous work out.

Then I decided I wanted to do modeling. Which is bizarre. But I've always wanted to be on the spotlight - singing (yikes!), acting (drama queen), dancing (uh-UH!)... I never allowed myself to get competent at any of these things before. Now I'm putting it all out there. I'm screeching karaoke in my car. I'm dancing whenever I can. And I'm working with a local but internationally famous talent agency to see what develops. Not that I expect to do runway shows in Paris, but I know I'm going to get somewhere doing something I actually like because for the first time I'm actually trying 100%. Not half-way, quitting before I really try (because I don't want to make a fool out of me).

Are there girls who are thinner and taller and with more potential than me? Sure. Are there people who can sing/act/dance better than me? Duh. But at the end of the day, when I put my head on the pillow... do THEY matter? No! Because my life is not in comparison to THEM, it's in comparison to ME. Did I do better? Did I give it my all? Did I LIVE life or just drag along through it?

And it may bring the question of what does all of this have to do with being spiritual. Well, everything. Joy matters. Being content matters. Running forward, not looking back, matters. Discipline matters. The belief that I really CAN do ALL things BECAUSE of CHRIST who strengthens me. That verse has taught me that I can pursue something way out there, and give it my all, and when I'm done: He steps in.

I learned today that younger, skinnier, prettier girls are more insecure than me. I was almost in disbelief! They were more terrified, more shy, more afraid of rejection. I'm like, "Are you kidding me?!" And I figured out what I believe is the difference between me and them: I've got NOTHING to lose! There is nothing that can be done to me by man under the sun that will make me any less than what God made me to be. At the end of the day my Savior is holding my hand and come hail or high water He helps me to stand.

My prayer is that other people would get inspired and see this in themselves! Without a relationship with God, yeah, it is up to you and the people around you, and people fail, so it can suck pretty bad. But if you commit to God your dreams and you trust Him with them, then your heart and soul is anchored onto something that is as unshakable as eternity itself.

I read somewhere that God's will for you is the intersection of your dreams and passions and His desires for the Kingdom. I don't have to know exactly how my dreams and my passions will accomplish what He wants in His kingdom, but I know His heart and His character (through a relationship with Him and through His Word), so I can trust Him to unravel those details as I just take one step of faith after another.

Now what?

So I'm now trying to blog about something else to keep my mind off how I physically feel. *blegh*

There's been a lot of questions in my mind, and I guess even though I've been here in Anchorage for a year I'm still trying to find my place. I love my job, and I'm disappointed when I can't physically go because I truthfully don't mind being at the office at all. Still, do I want to go into law? Nope. Not at all. What do I want to do? Here's what I've concluded: I either want to be America's Next Top Model, or a Vet, or a physical trainer (exercise coach).

But guess what? There are no veterinary schools in Anchorage. At all. Not even tech schools. I'd have to move to FAIRBANKS. You non-Alaskan people can look it up on a map. If you thought Anchorage was far, FAIRBANKS is like a rock's throw away from the north pole.

I need to lose 30 lbs before trying to teach others how to be healthy! I'm working on it.

Soooo I guess I will send in an application to ANTM and see what happens. The worst that can happen is rejection, which now that my skin is much tougher, I can live with that! In fact, rejection I can deal with. Hypocrisy I can't. Backstabbing either. I've experienced enough of both and it's only by the grace of GOD working in me that I'm not a paranoid, un-trusting freak.

So that's a crossroad that I'm at. I dunno whether to stay or go in a lot of different areas in my life so I'm opting for the path of total inactivity until I make up my mind or its made up for me. I feel this way about my church too. So I guess I'm going back to my original question, "God, why did You bring me all the way to Anchorage?" Because He had the power to provide Paul a good job in Florida, where we were already settled in an AWESOME church, and had the support of our AWESOME family... Where Christmas and New Years and Thanksgiving were AWESOME... and all our AWESOME friends since junior high were there...

It's hard not to wonder if the grass is greener on the other side!

And then again, I LOVE Anchorage. I love the weather, believe it or not - or at least, how extreme it changes. I love the mountains. I love the scenery. I love the downtown and I love the suburbs. I love the fresh air and the 10 months or so I haven't had a migraine headache (with 2 exceptions). I love that my kids can play in the back yard (when the snow isn't 4 ft high) and I can watch them w/o worry. I love seeing the Moose (or "Meese", as I call them in plural) off the side of the road.

But once again, here I am asking, "Now what?"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!- Chooo!

I am having a rough time. I've hit a screeching breaks halt in my life right now in my goals and just my energy, period.

Lately I always feel like really bad allergies - on my way to a sinus headache - you know, that burn you feel just before you sneeze? Imagine being on "pause" at that very moment all day, and feeling that burn all the time. That's how I feel.

I'm sleepy all the time. But at 10pm, when I NEED to sleep, I'm wide awake.

I started focusing on my weight goals again and I exercised Monday, but not today because I was tired and sore. Then I tell Paul I'm going to sleep at 9pm, but get a surge of "I can't sleep" because everything hurts so I do groceries instead. What in the world!?

At least I know I'm still watching what I put in my mouth. And at work, the biggest chunk of my day, I do pretty good! I'm watching calories and not counting them in detail, but being aware of serving sizes.

I'm short fused with the kids and I have no patience with them whatsoever. And it's because of always feeling exhausted and running on fumes. Then I'll try to relax and pick up my Bible and I can't focus on what I'm reading because it hurts to read.

Which, by the way, is a major part of what I do at work. I need to read documents and read stuff and type stuff in correctly and I've contributed to deforesting 1/3 of the planet based on all the pages I had to shred because I wrote "Cape" instead of "Cave" or "46,442.00" instead of "44,462.00". Not to mention the waste of billable hours.

I need strong prayer support! Paul comes home not this week, but next week. Vanessa has been a great help. The kids haven't been THAT bad. But I have this secret goal I am pursuing and I need to get myself together. At least physically.

The kids need me to. They need me to play and read to them and I've stunk completely at being a mom.

Had such a bad hair day...

Ok I guess I want to blog about what I decided to do.... shave my head... which is by far the most spontaneous thing I have EVER done... but I want to walk through it in prayer that you would understand.First of all, I have always .. ALWAYS... been moved by cancer patients and cancer survivors. I had a minor case of cervical cancer, and short of a minor surgery I was fine. But then I remember my grandmother's long, and defeating battle. How she died about a month after our wedding... How much I wanted to fly her up here and how clueless I was to how sick she really was - because she never let on that she was DYING from cancer. All her conversations were about you: How are YOU doing? What are YOU up to? What do YOU want me to send you? So when 2 weeks before my wedding she says, "You know, I just don't feel well enough to fly up there right now... but maybe we'll see each other this summer? Or you and Paul can vacation here for Christmas?" I was disappointed, but no where near as aware of what happened until my mom called me in tears. My mom was able to see her before she passed away... and my mom still can't talk about what she looked like or how that experience was - and it was 5 years ago!

Then I remember keeping up with my Aunt's status reports after she was diagnosed with breast cancer... How she kept losing weight.. How she lost her hair... and some teeth. Which she was already a very thin woman with short hair - I couldn't imagine her any thinner. My mom went down there that summer and helped her out a bit. She recovered, and is cancer free now. I never fathomed what I would look like any other way than this:
I signed up for Relay for Life and I had a few wonderful people donate $130 out of my $300 goal. And I thought that was awesome! And I can totally walk for a whole day if that helps advance cancer research. And I'm still prepping to borrow a tent and pull together a team to walk with me.

Then one Saturday morning my sister-in-law wants us to go to something that she was invited to somewhere... I'm like, "Sure!" And then this is what is going on:

People have pledged to shave their head in exchange for donations. And the donations are for treatment for children with cancer. And when I walked in, they had raised already $19,000+. They also had a bone marrow donor booth where you can sign up for the registry if you let them take a swab of the inside of your cheeks. They had face painting, auctions, etc. And I saw beautiful, bald young children making friends with Anakin.

And as I asked how it works and all, I had an inward conversation with myself (and maybe God? I guess I don't know) and I just felt... Lord, we've had it so good. And we are so comfortable. And I can't remember the last time I did something that required some stretching on my part. It's like we have reached a new age of Christianity where, here in the US, we're not even familiar with sacrifice; we serve where we are able, when we are able, but we never inconvenience ourselves. Lord, how can the world truly know who YOU are?

Well, it's been my prayer theme this week too. I want God to shine through me. What can I do to live above the status quo? Raise the bar on my own definition of being a city on a hill. I want to know at the end of my road that I gave it my all, and left it all here, and there are no regrets. That I loved with everything I had, and then some. That no matter what their previous or other experience was, people would have a more accurate perception of my loving Savior because of having known me - if nothing else.

Then I thought, who could need to know about Christ more than a child who is struggling with cancer? Who could I think of that would need to experience His love the most in this present moment than the children who are relying on this event? And you know, it would irritate me to be condescended by another Christian who maybe would feel the only appropriate way to give is through a church... not that it has happened, but it's a potential peeve.

So I donated my hair to Locks for Love and I registered to raise some $$.

Now please don't assume that I'm insinuating you have to shave your head to be a good Christian, it was a personal challenge to ME to be more sacrificial - God will lead you in your ways. But now my prayer is that I didn't just shave my head to do so, but that it raises funds.
So I'm going to include the link below, and I'm begging you to give. You don't have to shave your head bald. I did. You can just give. Skip out on ONE starbucks, or McD's, and give $5. If every friend I had did so, I can well raise over $500. No exaggeration. Just pass it along.

See, most people think that to give you need to wait until you have an extra $100. Well that never comes. But you CAN choose to say "I can pass on eating out one time this week" and donate the money you would've spent.

Here it goes!
Maria Hass St. Baldrick's Participant Page

Message to Church-Goers

I would love nothing more than to call every person that likes to attend church regularly a Christian.  But the truth of the matter, there’s no way I could qualify ANYONE at church to be a Christian… It’s a big pill to swallow!  We can only pray.

I read today John 6-7.  Jesus said that we were to “eat of his flesh and drink his blood”… That turned many of his would-be disciples away.  Many liked him.  Many believed in him.  But this standard was hard to accept, and after he qualified his followers with that statement – only 12 remained… one of which would still betray Him.  And I think that’s a good point to take to heart.  The term “Christian” means more than those who “believe Jesus” as opposed to Allah, or being Hindu, or Buddhist.  Unfortunately in America it’s kind of a label slapped loosely on people; Republican, anti-abortionist, white, southern, conservative, Christian, anti-gay, anti-rap music, etc…  It can describe a person who only attends church on Easter and Christmas, who swears like a sailor and is a bigot, but would consider himself a Christian with the same level of respect as if the Star-Spangled banner was being played during a baseball game:  To take a few minutes out of the year and stand with their hats off and the right hand on your chest.

First I saw a tremendous determination on Jesus’ part to let the people know exactly who He was and what He wanted.  He is preaching to the people, and they get hungry – so He feeds them (all 5000 men + wives and kids).  Then they want to make Him king by force and put Him up against the Roman empire – so He blatantly lets them know they missed the point.  It’s like He was saying, “Hello!  I am the God who loves you and wants to take care of you!  And I care more about you than the things of this world, I need you to understand you need me to LIVE.  Like you need bread and water, you need Me.  My words.  Even the greatest miracle recorded in Hebrew history – how they were fed with bread from heaven across the desert for 40 years – doesn’t mean a blessed thing.  You need to LIVE, and that through ME.”

So He went from doing a miracle to placing an abrupt hand on their forehead when they were just seeking Him for what they can get out of it for themselves.  And I think that’s one level of “church-going” we are all too familiar with:  Going to church and serving Christ to see what He can do for you.  How He can give me all I want.  How the music at church can make ME happy.  How the ministries at church can feed ME.  It’s a very shallow and self centered kind of church attendance that is the most popular – but completely misses the point of what Christianity IS.

Christianity, after all, was the term given to those who years after Jesus’ death and resurrection looked so much like Him they brought Him glory.  They lived like He did, talked like He did, but most importantly: Loved like He did.  Makes you ask yourself, “Am I a Christian?  Not ‘do I go to church’ or ‘do I believe in God’ – but am I Christ-like to where others would see a Risen Savior LIVING in me?”

And when Church is really a group of Christians united – not a social club, not an “insider’s things”, not a “mega” structure of feel-good Sunday morning experiences, but a network of Christ followers uniting to powerfully reflect the hands and feet of God to the world…. That’s when the Name of Christ will be respected in our communities, and we’ll see many people touched.

I am praying through “Seek God for Your City 2010”.  And the points from yesterday and today have been hitting me square in the head.  If we prayed with an outward focus on everything we do inside the church, then maybe church could be more than just an optional Sunday morning activity that some prefer, while others sleep in.

I prayed:
- That Christian ministries would be prayed out, empowered, funded, and designed to increase the impact of local churches in the community.  That the ministries would be focused on loving those who are hurting and lost, so that it would benefit those who really need it.
- That believers could see gathering on Sunday morning as more than just a “to do” list or at best, a pleasant experience – but rather what it really is:  a taste of what it’s like to finally go home.  That it’s how God let’s us get a glimpse of what our destiny is when we come as loved sons and daughters and celebrate together before Christ’s throne.
- That we may be fused as one according to God’s purpose, to bear His beauty.

His Word says of CHRISTIANS that “by the rivers [of living water, His Spirit as defined by Jesus in John 7] will grow all kinds of trees for food [the REAL Christians].  Their leaves will not wither and their fruit will not fail… and their fruit will be for food and their leaves for healing.” (Ezekiel 47:9,12 paraphrased).  Jesus is the life-giving river to the world.  We are to be trees that feed and heal the nations.  We are to be sources of healing to those who are broken, hopeless, and hurt.  That’s who Jesus was on earth.  That’s who Jesus is in His resurrected glory.  Is that who YOU are?  If you so freely declare, “I am a Christian”, would those who don’t know God and don’t live for Him see YOU as a nourishing, healing source?

Don’t we see that NATIONS are supposed to be restored and healed through the work of the CHURCH as CHRISTIANS follow the teachings of JESUS?  Don’t you see that WE hold the hope to Haiti, and Iraq, and Ethiopia, and every other poverty-stricken country of hurting, broken people?  But how can we ever even fathom NATIONS if we can’t even positively impact our homes and our workplace?  If our church isn’t even impacting the families of houses that live down the block and down the street?