A little bit TOO much adventure!

So when I thought I was topped off with excitement and adventure, I find out the Lord is not done with me yet.

Surviving a plane crash when you are in your car on the road is bizarre. I mean, you never drive looking up at things coming down on you! I wasn't even sure what hit me (or near missed me) until I drove away and listened to the radio. And I keep thinking, "God! It missed me! It didn't have to - it was a disaster - but You were in control! In the chaos!" I read in the news how the surviving family members were thankful to the 25 or so civilians who immediately started tearing apart the plane to rescue them. They have a long recovery to go through, which includes healing for the loss of their son Myles. Myles was 4 years old, and his little body flew to the front of the plane and ended under the dashboard. He wasn't rescued because they didn't see him among the seats of the plane before the engine tank blew up. And still, in the midst of chaos and crazy and disaster... An airplane crashing into a city right on time for rush hour traffic... by a gas station... Nobody else died. No one except those in the plane were even injured.

And the people in the plane survived due to the heroics of the passerbys. How many people could've said, "Oh, I'm getting away from that!" or "Wow! That's bad! But I have an appointment to get to!" 25 people didn't. 25 people dropped what they were doing, and rushed to help - before the police or the fire department made it. I read in the newspaper that they tore apart the remains of the cesna with their hands, and ripped out the scalding seats of the plane with the victims still sitting in them! And I'm sure more people would've stopped to help if they could. And the passengers on this plane have all sent their deepest gratitude for the heroes of the city of Anchorage.

And as thankful as I am, my life didn't stop to have pity on me. The landlord didn't say, "Aw! You almost got hit by a plane? Poor you! I won't charge you rent until next month!" You know? And I'm still dealing with the struggle at work of being constantly reminded that I suck (by one person) and at the same time, while doing the same things, being told by another person that my work is good enough... All the while wishing I was doing something else... Bills to pay, not really sure HOW, but knowing that they gotta get done. Paul is getting his application in to UAA for music, his dream, but we have no idea how to pay for it yet. Still, there has to be a reason why Paul's job w/ the FAA ended. But he hasn't gotten a start date for his job at UPS, which isn't going to bring in boatloads of cash.

I want to work with animals. I've been wanting to for a while, frustrated that I have to move to Fairbanks or Colorado to get a degree in vet tech because UAA doesn't have a degree program. In the mean time, the FAA is withholding about $1300 for his annual/sick leave that he was supposed to get paid for oh... 3 weeks ago? And his thrift saving plan sent a letter saying they are just now aware that he is eligible to withdraw his funds, but they haven't made a deposit yet.

AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!

Now today I get a call from the Grooming Manager at Petco and she wants to interview me. Which is terrifying because I would LOVE a job there but I'm afraid I won't be able to afford it! If I have to start out part time, minimum wage, there is no possible way I can take that now! At the same time, it's not like I feel a whole lot of job security where I'm at. What do I do?

On a great news, I had signed up with a Distance Learning College (accredited) for their Animal Care Specialist Degree, and I had made payment plans (small) and made a small deposit for the first set of lessons. And then I got a call that I was awarded the Tyra Banks Project Working Mom Scholarship, and the whole - WHOLE - degree is free. All paid. All of it... They are even giving me back my deposit! YAY! I just gotta do my schoolwork between 9-11pm when the kids are asleep.

I also got a call from another apartment manager asking for Paul and me to complete the paperwork to be put on a waiting list for a cheaper apartment, with one more bedroom, but there's a waiting list. Can we wait? I don't know.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

I wish all the pieces just fell in place already and I knew that everything was going to be ok. But there's so many balls up in the air I'm afraid I won't catch them all. I'm horrible at juggling anyways.

Well, here's to the adventure called life!

Did I mention that Paul and I are running a 5 miler on Saturday the 19th? And that on top of everything else, I am trying to lose weight... and get athletic... and jog. And there are a ton of spiritual goals I didn't even mention. And the kids? I haven't even started.

The Tragedy of The Rich Man - Part 2

Matthew 19:20-22 (Amplified Bible)

²⁰The young man said, I have observed all these from my youth; what still do I lack?

²¹Jesus answered him, If you would be perfect [that is, have that spiritual maturity which accompanies self-sacrificing character], go and sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven; and come, be My disciple [side with My party and follow Me].

²²But when the young man heard this, he went away sad (grieved and in much distress), for he had great possessions.

We read this and tend to feel sorry for the Rich Man. Poor guy? Give everything up? All he worked so hard for?! Gosh, Jesus was harsh! Couldn't Jesus have cut him some slack?

God is so demanding. I'd rather be comfortable pretending I'm a Christian than to actually pursue God. I don't want to let go of what I've got going for me. The whole "Christ" thing isn't worth it!

Are you kidding me!? Is there anything worth more than an experience with Christ!? He took ignorant, uneducated fisherman and made them into world-altering history makers! The face of half the planet was changed because men like Peter and James walked through and shared with people from all regions their experience with Christ!!! I mean, James was a half-brother of Jesus, and at the face of painful death, with all he could muster, still proclaimed that Jesus was his Lord and Savior, the Messiah! Peter, who denied Christ at the resurrection, refused to be crucified right-side up - because he wasn't worthy to die on the cross like Christ did, and thus was crucified and hung upside down! There's no possible way you could live - and die - like this, without having an impact on someone else.

And there's no way anyone could live - and die - like this, without having experienced Christ. And that's what the disciples did. They drank the wine that was made from water. They handed out the never ending supply of bread and fishes from just ONE poor boy's lunch. They saw the dead girl rise in the middle of her funeral service and come back to life. They saw lepers healed, blind eyes opened. And more than just SAW it, Jesus sent them out to DO it! They were able to see the power of God working THROUGH them to accomplish the same miracles themselves.

Can you put a dollar figure on that? Can you put a dollar figure on seeing the dead come to life? On seeing total healing? On seeing supernatural provision? Nope. I sure can't! But the problem is, when we read this passage, that we focus more on what the Rich Man has to give up that we fail to see all that is being offered by Christ at this moment! And what we focus on determines our reality.

We can't experience true fulfillment in our life if we put our identity in ANYTHING other than our relationship with Christ. Even your greatest assets will be your greatest liability if you aren't using them for what God purposed!

Maybe those that walk away from Christ, or aren't convinced of Him, are the ones who never really stepped out of their box (everything THEY wanted) to see what a relationship with Christ is like. Maybe instead of accumulating possessions we should be accumulating experiences with Him.

Because I'm not crazy in saying that I've seen, through prayer, God raise someone who's heart had stop beating for 10 minutes. I've seen God take my unborn son at 6 weeks, who had a lower heart rate than I did, and form him into the now 4 year old child who is without defect. I've seen God take my car on an empty tank and with no money and still drive it - without damage for the car - for a full work week. I have been at home, looking at Paul, wondering what in the world are we going to eat - only to receive a knock on the door and have a neighbor offer us Chinese take out. I have seen a demon-possessed woman walk up to me with the full intention of cursing me and being forced to walk away without ever speaking to me - while I did nothing but sit. You can call me crazy, but you can't take away my testimony from me. All three of my kids are walking miracles only because they were GOD's first. I could've lost all three, Anakin at first, Brielle and Caleb closer to child birth, had not God intervened. Heck, I could've died giving birth to Brielle. I was in the ICU six hours after the delivery because I was going unconscious and would stop breathing.

You can call me crazy, but you can't take away my testimony from me! My life experiences, what happened to me as I lived it - and those around me as witnesses - are the truth whether you think it would happen or not. And make no mistake, it wasn't me or Paul, or a doctor, or a bank, or a model of car, or luck.... it was Christ. It was only and exclusively Christ.

I'd rather have a treasury of experiences where I can "taste and see that the Lord is good" than anything this world could have to offer anyways...

The Tragedy of The Rich Man - Part 1

Matthew 19:16-28 (The Message)

¹⁶Another day, a man stopped Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"

¹⁷Jesus said, "Why do you question me about what's good? God is the One who is good. If you want to enter the life of God, just do what he tells you."

^18-19The man asked, "What in particular?"

Jesus said, "Don't murder, don't commit adultery, don't steal, don't lie, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as you do yourself."

²⁰The young man said, "I've done all that. What's left?"

The rich young man was obviously very religious. All the basic commandments, he had kept! That says a lot considering that God Himself says, "All have sinned, and fall short of the Glory of God." And yet, Jesus doesn't call him a liar! But the Achilles' heel to Christians is that we can get so caught up in the "don'ts" of sin that we fail to do the "do's" - and thus we are sinning! The Bible is not all about the "don'ts", Jesus gave us a lot of "do's"; love one another, forgive one another, pray, share, serve... etc... and NOT doing what Jesus asked us to do is as much disobedience as keeping from the things He doesn't want us to do!

Point in case: If I tell Anakin to clean his room, and he doesn't, isn't it disobedience? And isn't disobedience sin? So when The Rich Young Man tells him "all these I have kept", he isn't lying, and Jesus doesn't need to point that out... but yet, there was something painfully missing, wasn't there? Apparently, being religious wasn't enough because he was still seeking eternal life. He did not have it.

The end result of this lifestyle can be described as the difference between an animal in the wild or in a zoo. The Animal in the zoo can do everything it's supposed to, eat like he is supposed to, sit in a pen that looks like what his home would look like. Yet you and I both know that what we are looking at is ... not a third of what that animal really IS, what it is capable of, what it was created for!

"I wonder if the church does to Christians what the zoos do to animals? We take the danger, the risk out of being a Christian and we just want to make everyone comfortable... We forget that Christ didn't save us to take away the danger from us: He saved us to make us dangerous to the Enemy!" - Mark Batterson

We forget that when we build disciples solely on the basis of staying away from sins of commission (don't steal, don't kill, don't commit adultery...), and we blatantly ignore the sins of OMISSION (forgive, love, share, evangelize... or actually, NOT doing these things), we have clipped the wings of believers to fly on the winds of the Holy Spirit as God intended! After all, are we saved ONLY to stop doing things that are wrong? And would that mean that everything we are now doing is right? Not necessarily!

Fortunately, like the Rich Man, even if we ask Jesus the wrong question, He will always give us the right answer!

I love DEUTERONOMY!

Deuteronomy 28

^1-6 If you listen obediently to the Voice of God, your God, and heartily obey all his commandments that I command you today, God, your God, will place you on high, high above all the nations of the world....^11-14 God will lavish you with good things: children from your womb, offspring from your animals, and crops from your land, the land that God promised your ancestors that he would give you. God will throw open the doors of his sky vaults and pour rain on your land on schedule and bless the work you take in hand. You will lend to many nations but you yourself won't have to take out a loan. God will make you the head, not the tail; you'll always be the top dog, never the bottom dog, as you obediently listen to and diligently keep the commands of God, your God, that I am commanding you today. Don't swerve an inch to the right or left from the words that I command you today by going off following and worshiping other gods.

Deuteronomy 29

¹ These are the terms of the Covenant that God commanded Moses to make with the People of Israel in the land of Moab, renewing the Covenant he made with them at Horeb... ^2-4 Moses called all Israel together and said, You've seen with your own eyes everything that God did in Egypt to Pharaoh and his servants, and to the land itself— the massive trials to which you were eyewitnesses, the great signs and miracle-wonders. But God didn't give you an understanding heart or perceptive eyes or attentive ears until right now, this very day.

^5-6 I took you through the wilderness for forty years and through all that time the clothes on your backs didn't wear out, the sandals on your feet didn't wear out, and you lived well without bread and wine and beer, proving to you that I am in fact God, your God. ^14-21amGod, our God, yes, but also with those who are not here today. You know the conditions in which we lived in Egypt and how we crisscrossed through nations in our travels. You got an eyeful of their obscenities, their wood and stone, silver and gold junk-gods. Don't let down your guard lest even now, today, someone—man or woman, clan or tribe—gets sidetracked from God, our God, and gets involved with the no-gods of the nations; lest some poisonous weed sprout and spread among you, a person who hears the words of the Covenant-oath but exempts himself, thinking, "I'll live just the way I please, thank you," and ends up ruining life for everybody. God making it with you who are standing here today in the Presence of won't let him off the hook. I'm not making this Covenant and its oath with you alone. I

Deuteronomy 30

^1-5 Here's what will happen. While you're out among the nations where God has dispersed you and the blessings and curses come in just the way I have set them before you, and you and your children take them seriously and come back to God, your God, and obey him with your whole heart and soul according to everything that I command you today, God, your God, will restore everything you lost; he'll have compassion on you; he'll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered. No matter how far away you end up, God, your God, will get you out of there and bring you back to the land your ancestors once possessed. It will be yours again. He will give you a good life and make you more numerous than your ancestors.

^6-7 God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart and your children's hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, with your whole heart and soul and live, really live. God, your God, will put all these curses on your enemies who hated you and were out to get you.

^8-9 And you will make a new start, listening obediently to God, keeping all his commandments that I'm commanding you today. God, your God, will outdo himself in making things go well for you: you'll have babies, get calves, grow crops, and enjoy an all-around good life. Yes, God will start enjoying you again, making things go well for you just as he enjoyed doing it for your ancestors.

¹⁰ But only if you listen obediently to God, your God, and keep the commandments and regulations written in this Book of Revelation. Nothing halfhearted here; you must return to God, your God, totally, heart and soul, holding nothing back.

^11-14 This commandment that I'm commanding you today isn't too much for you, it's not out of your reach. It's not on a high mountain—you don't have to get mountaineers to climb the peak and bring it down to your level and explain it before you can live it. And it's not across the ocean—you don't have to send sailors out to get it, bring it back, and then explain it before you can live it. No. The word is right here and now—as near as the tongue in your mouth, as near as the heart in your chest. Just do it!

¹⁵ Look at what I've done for you today: I've placed in front of you
Life and Good
Death and Evil.

I LOVE how Moses preached it! He was about to die, and BAM! I mean, this just... explains the whole concept of a relationship with God.

He can bless us if we obey Him. If we disobey, we will fall into the destructive consequences of our own choice. But when we realize that, and turn back to God (for realz), He's not like, "Well, I told you so!" But rather, He will OUT DO Himself in restoring us and putting us right back in place.

How great is our God!

It's funny how people would have a problem with the old testament. They say it promotes slavery. But if you read it as a whole, you see that God set a higher standard for the people that would be called by His Name. A standard of compassion, and love, where every soul MATTERS.

You could be rich or poor, slave or free, native or foreign, male or female... born or unborn... you mattered to God, and He set laws in place to protect you, to restore you, and to provide you with second and third chances when life went wrong.

The Israelites were the ONLY ancient nation to permanently release slaves... and not just when they earned it, but every 7 years - whether they paid their price or not. They were the ONLY ancient nation to demand by law restitution for the harm or murder of a slave. They were the ONLY nation to create inheritance laws that protected women. They were the only ancient nation to demand restitution for the harm of an unborn life.

They did so because God was their God! Because He gave Moses the wisdom to set laws that would bless the people - ALL the people. And every time I read Deuteronomy I'm like, "Wow! God You cared! And You still care!"

I just love it.

Went for a jog!

I was really stressed out because my job wasn't going great. I felt more like a failure than an apprentice, and I was truly discouraged. I guess the challenge is that in my job right now, I will never "get it"... not unless I go to law school and become an attorney myself! (not likely!)

Basically, I'm in a job where I'll never master it, never really be independent, because at the end of the day in my job its my boss that has to do it. I'm always evaluated, and I never have it right. And it's not failure on my part - it's just the job!

So how can I work someplace where I will be held down like this? I don't mind serving, I guess... Actually, let me take that back. I love feeling like I helped. I like working at a place where I am an asset to the place I work at.

At the end of the day, I want my job to be blessed because I was there.

I'm not quite feeling that way at my current job.

So I prayed about it, and decided I'm going to give my best until God moves me out.

Then I also prayed about God would move me out. I realized that I really, REALLY want to work with animals. I want a career with animals. So I looked around and found places that are hiring to work with animals and I went ahead and applied. I figured, I'm not quitting to go to another "whatever" job. But I will make a move if the door opens for me to work at my heart's desire. I leave the timing up.

And then, I felt at peace. So much, that I put shoes on and went for a jog. I put on my Runtones and ran, all the way around the lake. I took in the scenery, the fresh air, the sunlight at 9pm. The mountains, the pain in my chest, the burn in my calves.

I truly thank Jesus for the hope I have in him. The strength I have in Him. I failed PE because I didn't want to run - it hurt my knees. I did a mile in 16 minutes in high school. I go around the lake and back in 30 minutes - and it's about 6 miles (so the hiking map says)! He gave me the strength to reach, to hope, and to try things that I had never tried before. He gave me the confidence to believe that I can jog, lose weight, get healthy, have energy, and live exactly the life I want.

I love being out here! I love the summer, the sunlight! The playing outside late! The family energy! I feel like I'm alive! Bring it on!

Another wetback story

I'm going to call this guy Pablo... because... well, I know a Pablo - he happens to be one of my cousins. I also have a cousin named Julius Cesar. But that's not what this blog is about. (All of my relatives are either in Venezuela or Canada LOL).

So Pablo grows up in this town in South America, that is in the middle of a Civil War. He is the oldest, and his family is poor. So poor he spends most of his childhood hiding in the woods instead of on his actual farm - because the property was used for a war zone. They had to hide up in the woods for days at a time, and sleep there at night.

They dressed in rags made by their mom, and shoes made from cow rope and cow hide. They ate whatever the fires didn't burn and the trucks didn't run over.

One day Pablo's farm was ambushed in mid day by military trucks, loaded with men firing brutally at the villagers that were trying to defend their land w/ machetes and sticks. So per his mother's instructions, he grabs the baby - less than a year old - and runs into the woods again, assuming the rest of the family was close behind. He hears his dad yell, "Don't you dare run back until you don't hear them anymore!" Up in the mountains, he could from time to time hear the sounds of the trucks and the firearms getting closer, so he would go up further... Carrying his baby brother. Then fear set in. He was running further and further away from what was familiar... He was getting lost.

One night turned to three before he found his way back to the farm in the dark - still carrying his baby brother. He didn't realize that the baby was lifeless - he had probably starved or maybe didn't make it through the cold night. This is where Dad teaches him a lesson about being a man - and orders him to take the shovel and bury his baby brother up in the woods where the baby had died... Maybe that will teach him not to panick, to do better, to pay better attention...

As the years go by, there is no such thing as school or childhood. It's nothing but work - cut wood, peel corn, whatever would bring money home to provide for food. One day as a young teenager he sees once again the military truck pull up to his town. This time he's angry, not afraid. So he doesn't run. He stands there, ready to greet the truck and whatever that brings.

He gets picked up by men w/ AK-47s and loaded into the truck. Then they line up all the boys and do a physical exam. He considers himself unlucky because he passed. They buzz cut his hair and voila! The boy is in the army. No papers to sign. No option.

Basic Training for him is nothing like the glorified boot camp of American movies. Two meals of stale bread and coffee. Dirty buckets of water to shower. Nothing but exercise - till they dropped dead or made it through to be strong. As soon as they are handed real weapons one of his mates commits suicide by blasting his brains out. Apparently his friend was strong physically, but not strong enough mentally...

In the military he ordered to drive up to towns, very similar to the ones he grew up in, and shoot at young men and their fathers... very similar to his own. No options.

Then one night at camp the guerrilla comes in and ambushes the army in their sleep. They fire at everyone, granade the place... they take the commanders that were still alive and slit their throats. He's lying on the floor, witnessing all this. Then they leave, and it gets quiet. And he waits to die. He has shrapnel in his face. He is in pain.

But he doesn't die. What does happen is the sound of 5 other surviving soldiers, struggling to live. They get up and start moving out. Pablo is carrying a man who lost his foot over his shoulders. They are found by a helicopter and air lifted to a hospital.

He gets off on leave and visits his Mom, his sister, and two other brothers. His uncles are a part of the guerrilla. His cousins want to kill him. His family considers him a traitor. He goes into hiding.

He returns to the military and they question his loyalty. Who's side is he on? Does it matter? Was it ever his choice? They give him one warning - and one alone: Disappear. Because if he doesn't follow these orders he will be executed... just in case.

He is living in hiding. An old friend offers him money and a ride to the U.S. He is gone - doesn't think twice.

As he is making arrangements to come to the US, before he even has a chance to consult an embassy, or save money... his vehicle is ambushed. He runs for his life but gets shot. His friend, who is helping him come to the US, rescues him and takes him to an unknown ambulatory (clinic). Three days later, before he was fully recovered, they escape in the night. Injured, he crosses several international borders to come up to the United States. A month after his arrival he applies for asylum.

Now over 16 years later his case is still floating back and forth in court. He has been scammed by a guy with good spanish that took advantage of his illiteracy to take about $6000.00 from a cannery worker and ruined his chances at asylum.

During this time he has received mail from his mother... One of his brothers was murdered. His sister has been raped, repeatedly, over an unknown period of time, until she lost the ability to walk and she is crippled. His next brother is also in the US, in hiding, in proceedings, but no one knows where. His brother changed his last name. His mom tells him, "Don't come back. Whatever you do, don't come back."

Obviously he has a lot of questions... and over the years he has pieced together pieces of information... hunting down newspaper clippings, asking friends and attorneys to read documents to him, to make sense of all that happened.

But he is as far north as he can get. He figures he's safe.

Until he's threatened at work by an unknown gentlemen, who knows Pablo's name - and the name of Pablo's deceased brother, and he receives a warning... And then a month later, he gets a phone call on his cell phone. Same message; same threat that he is not to come back to his country. He shows his cell phone to a friend and they find out the phone number was from Minnesota. He's never been there. He is not even sure where in the United States that is!

But he's one step away from being deported. He's accepted that possibility, if need be. Just not back to his country. Anywhere but there.

Does he ever sleep well at night? Does he ever experience peace? Will he ever feel secure? Have a place to call home? I don't know...

It's here where I would love to say that OF COURSE he will be granted asylum, that he will be given a permanent identity in the US, to live and to work, with a new name if he needs it. But I sincerely don't know; and that's what bugs me right now.

There's a Reason for the Promise

Deuteronomy 8:17-18 (The Message)

^17-18 If you start thinking to yourselves, "I did all this. And all by myself. I'm rich. It's all mine!"—well, think again. Remember that God, your God, gave you the strength to produce all this wealth so as to confirm the covenant that he promised to your ancestors—as it is today.

This Verse stuck in my heart as I went for a jog. I have been thinking about all the recent events, even the trials I have endured over the years, trying to make sense of them all. I think sometimes we undergo a trial and then get stuck on it because we can't figure out why it happened or what to learn from it.

I've also been thinking a lot about our Leadership Bible Study. I've been thinking about Francis Chan, in the video, talking about a Korean minister who among a few others survived being captured in Afghanistan. His pastor and most of his fellow church co-workers were martyred. And now that he was back in the safety of Korea, through interpreters, he tells Francis that he wished he could be there again! Because in the middle of that extreme suffering and torture he experienced a closeness with Jesus that he could not experience once he was comfortable and safe.

I also think about how Francis Chan sells over $500,000.00 in books and sermons and tithes 90% of his income. Still drives a 92 Honda scooter, and his family (wife and four kids) live on the "poorer side of town" in California. He sends a lot of money to an organization that rescues sex slaves overseas. He's perfectly comfortable in a good way - in a "living simple" kind of way. And yet he is stretched in a passion to see God's work done here on earth. And by all worldly accounts he seems successful, though you wouldn't think that by what he drives or where he lives.

Would I live the same way if I had that kind of income? If I can't trust God enough to give 10%, why would He give me more so that I could give 50%?

We have made decisions to live more simple and thus be able to be more generous comfortably. Ditched a couple of things that we like to spend money on (like got two good pairs of sneakers and an at-home exercise program instead of a gym membership), we're looking for a new place to live that may be smaller and thus cheaper, but its ok (and we really REALLY like our apartment! And our landlord! And our yard!). We share one car and I'll be taking the bus when Paul has to drive it. Our car is also old and paid off so we don't have car payments, and we don't really need another car as a couple as long as I work downtown (it's a pretty central location!).

And I hunger for the opportunity to GIVE a little bit more!

We did Relay for Life and we fundraised a total of $571 for the First Church of God team in Anchorage. That's a BIG DEAL! We are a VERY SMALL CHURCH! And then for March for Babies I fundraised $110. Which the cool thing about these things is that not all that amount came out of my pocket - but I did sacrifice some time and energy.

May I interject here, KUDOS to my hubby who stayed all night in the 30 and under degrees freezing cold at Relay BY HIMSELF so that I could go home and get some rest. THANK YOU HUNNY BUNNY!

But I want to do a little bit more... find a way to make a bit more of a mark.

And here is an issue that I'm praying about but it has Paul terrified: I want to do foster care. Paul is kinda overwhelmed w/ the kids - and rightly so, because our house is full. But it's full of love too... and I know a lot of kids in Foster Care could benefit from a home like ours, even if its just temporary, to encourage them thru their very, VERY tough time.

It actually started with a desire to adopt - from China, Haiti, or the Middle East. I did my research and we can't adopt from Haiti or the Middle East. Haiti requires you to not have any biological children and be over 35. The Middle East requires you to be practicing Muslims to adopt overseas. But it's an expensive and long-term decision, something I still have the heart for. So I prayed about this and thought, well, maybe God wants me to support an orphanage overseas or something. I dunno.

But I still want to ... love on children other than my own in my own home. I don't think I'll ever adopt here locally because I want to reserve those efforts for a child who, in an orphanage overseas, is not doing nearly as well as any child in the U.S. But I feel that even temporarily, even while things are being worked out...

And Paul is like, "You got your cat. I want my dog and my fish before we bring ANYTHING ELSE into our family." And he's also like, "We're overdone w/ 3 kids. We're full."

And yet I'm still praying... Are we? Maybe right now is not the time, and we have some kinks to work out here at home... I'm not naive in saying that doing foster care would make our home like the Brady Bunch... I know it would stretch us, even try us.

But at the end of the day, I'd rather be stretched and tried for attempting to do something selfless than to have to be tried and stretched out of my comfort zone. At least I know that the trial in my attempt to bless someone else won't be in vain.

On a different but similar note, I've reached a conclusion towards suffering: It's bound to happen. Life on earth won't be a complete cakewalk for us. And through it all, the only thing the trials have done are strengthen us, and build us up. We have seen the faithfulness of our God to sustain us through the ugliest times. We were not destroyed. We did not go without. He has always been faithful to us and He always will! So like the song says:

There's a raging sea right in front of me

wants to pull me down, bring me to my knees

so let the waters rise, if You want them to

I will follow You

I will follow You!