Almost as if to prove a point, Nova has come out of her shell a little!
She now is not too terrified to go to another room and pee or poop. Being optimistic, I think this is good because now she's acting like a DOG, which we can work with and train!
She doesn't walk around the house with her tail between her legs any more. She sniffs things looking for food. She is VERY food motivated! She wags her tail at the sight of food, has no issues jumping up on your lap or on the kid's table when there's food around. More things to work on, but like I said, it's more encouraging than having to carry her out of the kennel and pretty much gently begging her to eat.
She enjoys Paul's company. And she has a bit of a game going on with Leo.
She's a sweet dog! She may not be the dog to jump up on your lap to say hi (approaching you and putting her head close to your hand may be "it"). She may not be the dog to play tag or fetch with the kids. But she's definitely sweet and gentle and will still make a great pet when she gets adopted.
On that note, I've had 2 if not 3 people interested in her.
Which teaches me a couple of things:
1) Just like you can learn fear, you can also learn trust. It just takes a little time.
2) When you trust, you expect your needs to be met. Nova may not know much of anything else when it comes to being a pet, but she knows that we are her source of food and water.
3) Even at your ugliest, shyest, or absolute not best, you are still loved! Nova is still wanted by potential families even though she doesn't have this "Lassie" personality.
There is hope in the world after all!
Yesterday she came up to me after work, and I sat down just to pet her, and she licked my face. Mind you, I had a burger king bag behind my back as my late night dinner... but all the same, I was stoked to have her approach me and get close to me on her own free will.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
"Nova"
Nova: 1877, from L. nova, fem. sing. adj. of novus "new" (see new), used with stella "star" (a fem. noun in L.) to describe a new star not previously known. Plural is novæ. Astronomy .
a star that suddenly becomes thousands of times brighter and then gradually fades to its original intensity.
That is the name of the puppy I'm fostering through Alaska Dog and Puppy Rescue. Paul and I have been wanting a dog for a while, but didn't know quite what we could handle yet, and decided it would be better to provide temporary homes to dogs that would otherwise stay in shelters and be euthanized. The goal is to have her adopted, and then foster another one... and another one...
The need for foster parents in Alaska has grown a lot since the Mat-Su shelter seized 157 dogs from a "breeder" that were all starving to death. Around 20 were already found dead on the premise, one dog had to be euthanized at the shelter, and some of the dogs seized may not make it per the last article I read. They were starving so bad that their recovery is long and hard.
The town has risen to the occasion by sending in donations of food, straw (for warm bedding), supplies, and money. But these dogs are in a shelter that was already full, and the shelter cannot have them adopted yet because they are part of a criminal investigation - so until the judge declares the hoarder "guilty" those dogs are at a standstill. So the rescue is helping by pulling out dogs that were there before the seizure and are adoptable and placing them in foster homes and in their adoption clinics.
Seems like we picked a perfect time to get involved!
So we have this sweet, small husky mix named Nova. I'm praying she lives up to her name! I'm waiting for her to spark. It may take a while, or it may never happen... she's still a lovable dog either way.
She is ridiculously timid and submissive. If it was up to her, she'll stay in her kennel forever. She's afraid to come to us, and if our cat walks by her food she will run into the bathroom in the dark and stay there until the coast is clear. I have to prepare the house to get her to eat; get the kids to quiet down, but Caleb in his crib, feed Leo something else in the kitchen.
She won't bite. She won't even whimper. She is mute as far as we know. She just ducks for cover. She'll pace around the house until she finds a lonely place to lay down.
The kids offer her plenty of love and help. They like being involved in feeding her and they pet her as often as they walk by her. Of course, no one will take her out for walks except for me (wait... Paul did... ONCE) because it's like, -15.
She looks sad/depressed most of the time.
Her mellow nature helps because we are in an apartment building... so I don't have to worry about neighbor complaints. It was perfect for Leo because he's sooo much more relaxed and he wasn't used to dogs at all. He did NOT like dogs. But he likes Nova about as much as he likes our sofa. The kids are more gentle and quiet around the house only in consideration for Nova (they don't care if I have a migraine - but for Nova, they'll quiet down).
She takes on lots of love. You can tell she needs it too. I'll sit next to her on the floor and just rub her head and behind the ears and her eyes will get real big as she looks at me. I've seen her wag her tail twice (normally it's permanently positioned between her legs, and she only moves it out of the way to pee); once I was feeding her, the other time I had doggie snacks in my hand and she seemed interested in one. A couple of times she has walked up to me and Paul for a head scratch, which is leaps of progress.
Her usual, if she will have it, is to lay in the back of the kennel all day.
I can't help but wonder what has happened to her in the estimated past 6 years that she has no spirit or personality other than "EVADE!" Poor baby. It must've been a very rough life. And if I pick up the broom, she somehow manages to cower even lower than usual.
Why is this blog-worthy for me? Because I feel like God is trying to teach me something. Am I as withdrawn and discouraged from Him as she seems to be with the rest of the world? And how do you help heal a broken heart (mines, a friends, or a church members)? An injured, sick body has ways to be recovered... manuals, books, veterinary instructions... But how do you restore a spirit that has been broken? Will MY heart and MY broken spirit ever be restored?
In other words, will either one of us ever witness our burst (of light)?
That is the name of the puppy I'm fostering through Alaska Dog and Puppy Rescue. Paul and I have been wanting a dog for a while, but didn't know quite what we could handle yet, and decided it would be better to provide temporary homes to dogs that would otherwise stay in shelters and be euthanized. The goal is to have her adopted, and then foster another one... and another one...
The need for foster parents in Alaska has grown a lot since the Mat-Su shelter seized 157 dogs from a "breeder" that were all starving to death. Around 20 were already found dead on the premise, one dog had to be euthanized at the shelter, and some of the dogs seized may not make it per the last article I read. They were starving so bad that their recovery is long and hard.
The town has risen to the occasion by sending in donations of food, straw (for warm bedding), supplies, and money. But these dogs are in a shelter that was already full, and the shelter cannot have them adopted yet because they are part of a criminal investigation - so until the judge declares the hoarder "guilty" those dogs are at a standstill. So the rescue is helping by pulling out dogs that were there before the seizure and are adoptable and placing them in foster homes and in their adoption clinics.
Seems like we picked a perfect time to get involved!
So we have this sweet, small husky mix named Nova. I'm praying she lives up to her name! I'm waiting for her to spark. It may take a while, or it may never happen... she's still a lovable dog either way.
She is ridiculously timid and submissive. If it was up to her, she'll stay in her kennel forever. She's afraid to come to us, and if our cat walks by her food she will run into the bathroom in the dark and stay there until the coast is clear. I have to prepare the house to get her to eat; get the kids to quiet down, but Caleb in his crib, feed Leo something else in the kitchen.
She won't bite. She won't even whimper. She is mute as far as we know. She just ducks for cover. She'll pace around the house until she finds a lonely place to lay down.
The kids offer her plenty of love and help. They like being involved in feeding her and they pet her as often as they walk by her. Of course, no one will take her out for walks except for me (wait... Paul did... ONCE) because it's like, -15.
She looks sad/depressed most of the time.
Her mellow nature helps because we are in an apartment building... so I don't have to worry about neighbor complaints. It was perfect for Leo because he's sooo much more relaxed and he wasn't used to dogs at all. He did NOT like dogs. But he likes Nova about as much as he likes our sofa. The kids are more gentle and quiet around the house only in consideration for Nova (they don't care if I have a migraine - but for Nova, they'll quiet down).
She takes on lots of love. You can tell she needs it too. I'll sit next to her on the floor and just rub her head and behind the ears and her eyes will get real big as she looks at me. I've seen her wag her tail twice (normally it's permanently positioned between her legs, and she only moves it out of the way to pee); once I was feeding her, the other time I had doggie snacks in my hand and she seemed interested in one. A couple of times she has walked up to me and Paul for a head scratch, which is leaps of progress.
Her usual, if she will have it, is to lay in the back of the kennel all day.
I can't help but wonder what has happened to her in the estimated past 6 years that she has no spirit or personality other than "EVADE!" Poor baby. It must've been a very rough life. And if I pick up the broom, she somehow manages to cower even lower than usual.
Why is this blog-worthy for me? Because I feel like God is trying to teach me something. Am I as withdrawn and discouraged from Him as she seems to be with the rest of the world? And how do you help heal a broken heart (mines, a friends, or a church members)? An injured, sick body has ways to be recovered... manuals, books, veterinary instructions... But how do you restore a spirit that has been broken? Will MY heart and MY broken spirit ever be restored?
In other words, will either one of us ever witness our burst (of light)?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year: 2011
Wow I haven't blogged in like... ever... didn't quite have the muse.
But with it being a New Year and all, you put a lot of thought into New Year's resolutions and such, goals, failures, etc... you can't help but come up with SOMETHING to write.
I guess what hit me recently is how much our culture and media is teaching us that we are not good unless we produce more, do more, look better... etc. And I wonder how much of that I've been feeding into.
It hit me when I was watching "Eat, Pray, Love" with Julia Roberts and there was this scene where she is in Italy and her friend is telling her that she can't eat a pizza because she has a "muffin top", and Julia tells her that she's gonna eat the pizza because she's tired of all the calorie counting and self-loathing... yada yada...
And it was revolutionary for me that for the first time women aren't all about "hitting the gym", or "trying new diets" on TV but rather just ... enjoying food and enjoying life in this movie. It was like the FIRST time I had seen something like that!
Made me really think: Do I want to lose weight because it's what's best for me, or it would make me fit better into what everyone else thinks? Because the source of the motivation is the key! And will I spend this year eating a pizza and then punishing myself at the gym and hitting the shower with self-loathing, self-depreciation, because I can't fit into the same pair of pants I wore in High School... ? I don't know... I think I would rather go to the gym because I like to exercise, and I love the "me" time that being on a treadmill gives me, and its a good way to invest in myself a little bit....
See the difference?
So maybe I do decide to go on a diet and hit the gym. But I want it to be because I love myself, not because I hate myself. At the end of the day I have to sleep with myself and rise with myself and be accountable before God for no one but myself. It sounds self-centered but its a ringing reality.
And its not just with my self image that I'm thinking hard and deep about the sources of motivation... but also my friendships. I find myself bitter and sick of my friends and then I have to wonder why: Am I envious? Do I feel left out? Or is it the feeling that something should be wrong but isn't? Why would I want something to be wrong in the first place? It doesn't make me sound like a very good friend right now, but putting it all in the open, I have to evaluate every thought and motive.
Its hard for me to be a good friend because I'm much more comfortable with being a loner -which is why my friends are so few. I have found that a lot of friends either aren't good for me, or don't want to invest into a friendship with me as much as I would, so my true friends are few. And when it comes to friends, I've always found that guy friends are better friends than girls because I have very low tolerance for DRAMA. And whining. But I'm aware that sometimes DRAMA just comes and seeks you out, because life has challenges, and THAT'S when a friend needs you the most (right?)!
Kids... do I want to have the perfect kids so that everyone thinks I'm a perfect mom? Or do I want for them to be the best THEY can be with nothing but sincere good interests for them at heart? I've always said I DID NOT want to be the Mom who took every child's decision personally and believed that whatever the kids did was a reflection of whether she was a good Mom (or not)... but did I fall into that trap I was trying desperately to avoid?
Church... Do I go to church every Sunday because I have to or because I want to? Am I talking and acting differently at church than I do at home because I'm trying to look holier than I am? Do I serve at my church because I feel God has called me to or because I feel the expectation of doing so as all good Christians should? There is a beautiful division between my "church" life and my relationship with God. I've always felt that I can be completely honest with Him. He can handle my tears, my anger, my frustrations, and my questions. In the middle of my hissy-fits I know He still loves me and it won't diminish any more than my love for my kids would lessen when they throw a temper-tantrum. I read the Bible because it speaks life to me; it lightens my heart, gives me hope, and God has proven it true to me. But so much of my walk with God happens from Monday to Saturday when I'm NOT at church (rather at work, home, grocery store, etc...) that it begs me to ask these questions because my Sunday morning does not need to be any different than my Saturday night!
I could go on and on... Do you see what I'm saying, though?
Am I a good Mom when the house is all clean and the dishes are done and dinner is perfect right at 6pm? Am I still a good Mom when the house is a mess and I'm on the floor coloring pictures with my kids till 9pm and their dinner was oreos and milk while we were working on our artwork?
By whose standards am I proposing my New Year's Resolutions?
I guess my challenge to whoever reads this (even though you may not be a Mom, or a wife, or a little on the heavier side than when you were in High School) is to pray and search your heart for motives. Don't fall into the trap of the patterns of this world because they don't satisfy. Just when you lose 30 lbs they will tell you you need to be skinnier (believe me, I know!).
I guess I'm going to start my resolutions with asking God to help me love myself for all that He made me to be: Good, bad and ugly. I hate being in the kitchen, I just love to eat. I rather work with animals than with people. I'll probably never stop singing. I'm not an ideal housewife. I'm not religious. If I pray kneeling I fall asleep and go unconscious (in fact, in order for me to focus when I pray I have to pace around the room to keep my self from being distracted or falling asleep). Then from this point - the point of loving and accepting myself just as I am with no ifs, ands, or buts - I can work on setting goals and working towards the things that ultimately are better for ME. And I can be the best ME.
But with it being a New Year and all, you put a lot of thought into New Year's resolutions and such, goals, failures, etc... you can't help but come up with SOMETHING to write.
I guess what hit me recently is how much our culture and media is teaching us that we are not good unless we produce more, do more, look better... etc. And I wonder how much of that I've been feeding into.
It hit me when I was watching "Eat, Pray, Love" with Julia Roberts and there was this scene where she is in Italy and her friend is telling her that she can't eat a pizza because she has a "muffin top", and Julia tells her that she's gonna eat the pizza because she's tired of all the calorie counting and self-loathing... yada yada...
And it was revolutionary for me that for the first time women aren't all about "hitting the gym", or "trying new diets" on TV but rather just ... enjoying food and enjoying life in this movie. It was like the FIRST time I had seen something like that!
Made me really think: Do I want to lose weight because it's what's best for me, or it would make me fit better into what everyone else thinks? Because the source of the motivation is the key! And will I spend this year eating a pizza and then punishing myself at the gym and hitting the shower with self-loathing, self-depreciation, because I can't fit into the same pair of pants I wore in High School... ? I don't know... I think I would rather go to the gym because I like to exercise, and I love the "me" time that being on a treadmill gives me, and its a good way to invest in myself a little bit....
See the difference?
So maybe I do decide to go on a diet and hit the gym. But I want it to be because I love myself, not because I hate myself. At the end of the day I have to sleep with myself and rise with myself and be accountable before God for no one but myself. It sounds self-centered but its a ringing reality.
And its not just with my self image that I'm thinking hard and deep about the sources of motivation... but also my friendships. I find myself bitter and sick of my friends and then I have to wonder why: Am I envious? Do I feel left out? Or is it the feeling that something should be wrong but isn't? Why would I want something to be wrong in the first place? It doesn't make me sound like a very good friend right now, but putting it all in the open, I have to evaluate every thought and motive.
Its hard for me to be a good friend because I'm much more comfortable with being a loner -which is why my friends are so few. I have found that a lot of friends either aren't good for me, or don't want to invest into a friendship with me as much as I would, so my true friends are few. And when it comes to friends, I've always found that guy friends are better friends than girls because I have very low tolerance for DRAMA. And whining. But I'm aware that sometimes DRAMA just comes and seeks you out, because life has challenges, and THAT'S when a friend needs you the most (right?)!
Kids... do I want to have the perfect kids so that everyone thinks I'm a perfect mom? Or do I want for them to be the best THEY can be with nothing but sincere good interests for them at heart? I've always said I DID NOT want to be the Mom who took every child's decision personally and believed that whatever the kids did was a reflection of whether she was a good Mom (or not)... but did I fall into that trap I was trying desperately to avoid?
Church... Do I go to church every Sunday because I have to or because I want to? Am I talking and acting differently at church than I do at home because I'm trying to look holier than I am? Do I serve at my church because I feel God has called me to or because I feel the expectation of doing so as all good Christians should? There is a beautiful division between my "church" life and my relationship with God. I've always felt that I can be completely honest with Him. He can handle my tears, my anger, my frustrations, and my questions. In the middle of my hissy-fits I know He still loves me and it won't diminish any more than my love for my kids would lessen when they throw a temper-tantrum. I read the Bible because it speaks life to me; it lightens my heart, gives me hope, and God has proven it true to me. But so much of my walk with God happens from Monday to Saturday when I'm NOT at church (rather at work, home, grocery store, etc...) that it begs me to ask these questions because my Sunday morning does not need to be any different than my Saturday night!
I could go on and on... Do you see what I'm saying, though?
Am I a good Mom when the house is all clean and the dishes are done and dinner is perfect right at 6pm? Am I still a good Mom when the house is a mess and I'm on the floor coloring pictures with my kids till 9pm and their dinner was oreos and milk while we were working on our artwork?
By whose standards am I proposing my New Year's Resolutions?
I guess my challenge to whoever reads this (even though you may not be a Mom, or a wife, or a little on the heavier side than when you were in High School) is to pray and search your heart for motives. Don't fall into the trap of the patterns of this world because they don't satisfy. Just when you lose 30 lbs they will tell you you need to be skinnier (believe me, I know!).
I guess I'm going to start my resolutions with asking God to help me love myself for all that He made me to be: Good, bad and ugly. I hate being in the kitchen, I just love to eat. I rather work with animals than with people. I'll probably never stop singing. I'm not an ideal housewife. I'm not religious. If I pray kneeling I fall asleep and go unconscious (in fact, in order for me to focus when I pray I have to pace around the room to keep my self from being distracted or falling asleep). Then from this point - the point of loving and accepting myself just as I am with no ifs, ands, or buts - I can work on setting goals and working towards the things that ultimately are better for ME. And I can be the best ME.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Just a more recent update...
Wow I haven't blogged in Eons!
Mostly because I've been moving. Out of the church and into our cozy little place. I'm happy. It feels like home already. It looks like home - kid's toys and stuff all over the floor! We have a lot of work ahead of us.
Caleb has a horrible cough and cold, and we're trying to hold him over until he goes to the doctor next week, but I don't know if he'll make it! His coughing wakes him up during the night at times. But during the day he's all happy and trying to walk and getting into his toys, like nothing is wrong.
Anakin and Brielle are a bit too funny in their conversations. My gosh, Brielle can argue out of both elbows! She never quits! And I'll ask her when I pick her up from day care, "What did you learn at school today?" And she replies, "That you don't eat rocks. Rocks are yucky. They are not food." Which makes me wonder what she was trying to accomplish that day... And Anakin likes to read and is a fan of X-Men now...
Actually, Anakin likes Marvel superheroes period. He came up to me one day and asked, "Mom, do you know about "stanley"? " I thought he meant the little cartoon boy with the fish in the bowl that likes animals, so I say, "yeah, is that the movie you want to watch?" He goes, "No Mom..." Shuffles through one of his dad's Game Informer magazines, and turns to a page... "I mean, Stan Lee. See this guy? He's really cool. He's the guy that drew Spider-man, and Iron Man, and the X-Men..." My 4 year old likes comic books! And he has pretty good taste too... none of that Spongebob or Nickelodeon junk now... no "Chowder" or stuff like that. The challenge is that I have to screen his comic books/cartoon shows for content - because they aren't exactly drawn out for 5 year olds...
Which brings me to another point where I was pleasantly surprised: Anakin was watching an X-Men revolution episode where they are talking about "angel" sightings around New York for the holidays on the newspaper. The "Angel" is a mutant, but that's beside the point. In the newspaper article, Professor Xavier is reading it aloud...:
Professor X: "For those who have entertained strangers have entertained angels unaware..." Where is that from? Is that Shakespeare?
Beast: The Bible.
And then they go on to discuss whatever yada yada. I was just shocked that they quoted Scripture and said the word "Bible" without dissing Christianity, throwing in a non-religious spin, getting anyone offended, etc. There was no argument or discussion afterwords on whether or not the Bible is the inerrant Word of God. That was that.
It was incredibly refreshing coming from today's media. I wish it would be that simple.
Mostly because I've been moving. Out of the church and into our cozy little place. I'm happy. It feels like home already. It looks like home - kid's toys and stuff all over the floor! We have a lot of work ahead of us.
Caleb has a horrible cough and cold, and we're trying to hold him over until he goes to the doctor next week, but I don't know if he'll make it! His coughing wakes him up during the night at times. But during the day he's all happy and trying to walk and getting into his toys, like nothing is wrong.
Anakin and Brielle are a bit too funny in their conversations. My gosh, Brielle can argue out of both elbows! She never quits! And I'll ask her when I pick her up from day care, "What did you learn at school today?" And she replies, "That you don't eat rocks. Rocks are yucky. They are not food." Which makes me wonder what she was trying to accomplish that day... And Anakin likes to read and is a fan of X-Men now...
Actually, Anakin likes Marvel superheroes period. He came up to me one day and asked, "Mom, do you know about "stanley"? " I thought he meant the little cartoon boy with the fish in the bowl that likes animals, so I say, "yeah, is that the movie you want to watch?" He goes, "No Mom..." Shuffles through one of his dad's Game Informer magazines, and turns to a page... "I mean, Stan Lee. See this guy? He's really cool. He's the guy that drew Spider-man, and Iron Man, and the X-Men..." My 4 year old likes comic books! And he has pretty good taste too... none of that Spongebob or Nickelodeon junk now... no "Chowder" or stuff like that. The challenge is that I have to screen his comic books/cartoon shows for content - because they aren't exactly drawn out for 5 year olds...
Which brings me to another point where I was pleasantly surprised: Anakin was watching an X-Men revolution episode where they are talking about "angel" sightings around New York for the holidays on the newspaper. The "Angel" is a mutant, but that's beside the point. In the newspaper article, Professor Xavier is reading it aloud...:
Professor X: "For those who have entertained strangers have entertained angels unaware..." Where is that from? Is that Shakespeare?
Beast: The Bible.
And then they go on to discuss whatever yada yada. I was just shocked that they quoted Scripture and said the word "Bible" without dissing Christianity, throwing in a non-religious spin, getting anyone offended, etc. There was no argument or discussion afterwords on whether or not the Bible is the inerrant Word of God. That was that.
It was incredibly refreshing coming from today's media. I wish it would be that simple.
Friday, September 3, 2010
1 Peter 4:7-11 “Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth”
“The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.
God had given you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.”
I just glanced over this and I felt the … sense of urgency? Not under the whole “gloom and doom” of the end of the world or what not, but more like the nudging from Christ…
Life is too short to put to waste what God has given you! Life is too short to be self-centered, and too short to hold on to grudges.
I mean, think about this for a second. “The end of the world is coming soon…” Most people would assume that God would finish the phrase by saying something like, “so be sure you are not caught in sin – never ever! Because I’m watching and if you screw up you’ll be left behind!!” or others would think God would say, “pray and fast a lot, and spend all your time at church, and tell everyone you are a Christian just so you can depart with a clean conscience.” But instead (and refreshingly), His end-of-days, apocalyptic instructions are: “love each other deeply… share with each other… use the gifts God has given you with all your might.” I almost do a double-take (really?).
But that’s what so beautiful about God. He doesn’t tell you how to save yourself because He knows you can’t. He doesn’t really tell you how to prepare yourself because He knows that’s useless. And He doesn’t nag you with a list of “don’ts” for “holiness” because He loves you more than that. Not that there isn’t any merit in holiness, because there’s a whole book on that (and if Christians lived in holiness better, we’d be better witnesses to begin with… but that’s another sermon). But He selflessly wants us to live in such a way that we have no regrets!
Love each other deeply… share… and do what you were born to do. This gives me hope! It won’t be easy, but it’s definitely doable. If I sit there and imagine what my life would be like if I and all of my family in Christ lived like this, I know that Jesus would be lifted high. And I would be blessed. And I would be a blessing to others. Just picturing a family that loves each other deeply enough to cover the wrong-doings we inadvertently do to each other would blow my mind away and bring me to tears! God has been teaching me about sharing as I live, and I found that if I’m generous once, it’s easier for me to be generous again and again (which takes faith, because our instinct says, “HOARD!! It’s MINE! MINE! MINE!” but we have to trust in the God who meets all our needs).
I have to admit, I’ve fallen way behind in using all the gifts that God has given me. I just now adjusted my career to be where I know with all of my heart God created me to be. That took a cut in payroll by about half, a lot of hard work (and still at it!) and an immense amount of faith. But at church I’ve been operating at… 10% of what I’ve done or love to do or am good at. I haven’t preached in about 4 years for a Sunday morning service. I haven’t sung as much as I liked to, and I definitely have stopped acting and “dancing” since Oklahoma City. I haven’t directed plays, or worked with the children’s ministry to prepare programs for the church, or raised funds for missions, or done Bible quiz. Not that I have to do it all at once, but these are all things that I know I can do with the creative ideas and the strength God gives me. I just haven’t used some of these in years!
Well, I’ll be praying more about where to start. I’ve been journaling a lot more to track my journey, so to speak. My prayer is to share this scripture with others and inspire YOU to start living under these “basic instructions before leaving earth”. Love each other. Share with others. Do what you were born to do. It may take a brain transplant for some, and a heart transplant for others, but oh the kind of people we would be if we did!Monday, August 30, 2010
Living the Adventure
So for the past month I have been living at our church… we have our beds set up in Sunday School rooms and have to drive around borrowing showers.
And how is it going? Awesome!
I have to admit, I wasn’t so psyched at first. I was actually freaking out. I was frustrated because Hampstead Heath screwed me over at the last minute and then blew me off. I was wondering how the kids will take it.
Well we are actually getting along just fine! Paul and I spend more time actually together instead of in the same room because we are not so distracted by internet/tv. The same with the kids. Maybe the kids also hit a maturing point, because we are communicating a lot more. The kids are more verbal, more “with you” now than they were before. We have great times, great laughs, homemade dinners and creative play time.
I’m learning who my friends really are by seeing the ones that actually come through for me (versus the ones that give lip service). More than that, I’m finding friends in the most unlikely of places – friends that any other time I would’ve passed by!
My faith has been tried and tested, but I feel more “atuned” to God than ever before. I’ve had to spend a lot of time in prayer, but I’ve definitely experienced God talking back and letting me know which way to go.
I wish I could fully write out everything that I’ve been experiencing but it’s… a HUGE life lesson! So it all kind of has to sink in a bit more. I feel like I just survived a tornado… “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore!” That kind of feeling. But I also know that I survived, that I am stronger and more confident now than I was before, and that I’m wiser too.
It would be an incorrect assumption that being homeless would make me more stingy, greedy, or self-centered. After all, we need a place of our own, right!? Well, oddly enough, I feel more grateful – and as a result, I’m more generous. After all, my Lord and Savior spent his last adult years technically homeless, following His Father’s leading and ministering wherever God led… And sleeping wherever God provided. And in this lifestyle He preached for us not to worry, that the God who feeds the sparrows considers us much more valuable than the birds. Its an honor to be sustained right out of my Master’s hand!
I guess what could’ve been the most difficult part about this trial is the impact this could have on the kids. But I quickly learned that God’s grace is sufficient even for us parents. What impacts the kids the most is our attitude and the climate we create by it. My kids just want our company and our love – and with these needs being met, they’ll pretty much handle anything in stride!
Well these were just a couple of notes for those of you who were wondering how I was doing. I’m not lying or being sarcastic when I say, “I’m doing good!” There’s more to life than the material stuff… the luxuries of life are the icing on the cake, not the cake itself! And as far as my soul is concerned, I’m being fed steak and potatoes.Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sunday Morning Sermon...
Nope, I'm not preaching any time soon, other than in this blog... I haven't done that since 2006 back at Sooner Rd in Midwest City, but then again... I haven't been asked. I don't preach on Sunday mornings unless I'm asked to. But I titled my blog this way so that if you are not particularly interested in "religious" topics you can gracefully exit to your left... right now. =)
But I have been praying and thinking and thinking and praying and I had some thoughts that I just had to turn to my Bible and Blogger and see if I can put it together in a way that makes sense. Specially since I slept for about... 5hours today? Some ridiculous amount which means I won't be able to fall asleep any time soon. Hopefully after this I'll get to my Veterinary Assisting course, I've kinda' neglected it for a while.
So I've been praying for our little church, and about church, and then church in general. One of my biggest questions, personally, is why I go to church. Is it my Sunday morning ritual? Because it's tradition? Because it makes me feel better about myself for going? Because it's what "Christians" do? I honestly don't really know, but I believe that any kind of dissatisfaction you may have about going to church roots from your reasons. Example: If you complain that your church doesn't provide childcare, it may be because you go to church expecting a break from your kids on Sunday morning, thus when your needs aren't being met - you have a problem with your church. Same thing if "your music" isn't played, or your aren't hearing the right kind of sermons, etc... it all stems from your expectation of what the church should do for you and why you attend. Capische?
So I was asking myself, why do I go to church? And why this particular church? And I've been praying about it for a long time. Because usually my prayers are focused on me: Lord, I need help with the rent/car/kids/daycare/husband/pet/job etc. I need, I need, I want, I want. Then, realizing how self-centered I've been lately, I prayed for others... I have an online acquaintance named Carla who just had a premature baby due to strokes, which are the result of a heart infection that requires major heart surgery, which is postponed because now they found two sources of cancer in her body, for which she is going through chemo... all the while the husband isn't working to stay by her side and to be with the little one, who has really immature lungs and needs all the physical touch he can get to grow and get strong enough to breathe and eat on his own.... (and I thought I needed prayers? Seriously!) I came to the conclusion that we all NEED something, and I acknowledged that I'm just used to having the Lord help me with EVERYTHING! I can't handle any trial on my own two feet. I can't even do my job without His help. I pray on my way there, and back. I need help to love my kids and have patience because I'm exhausted ALL THE TIME and my kids are another full-time job at home. Lord, I'm just needy. I need God with me every step of the way. I may not have needs as urgent or difficult as others, but I'm needy all the time. I'm completely codependent.
Then one day I was driving and it hit me to ask, "Lord, what do YOU need?" And my first answer was the logical one: Nothing! He owns the earth and the sky and He doesn't need anything. And yet, He chooses to partner with us to bring His kingdom to earth. He doesn't do it Himself, He depends on us to reach out and love and serve each other and those that aren't so lovable... He needs us to be His hands and feet, and His ambassadors, here on planet earth. God, I'm so sorry that we've been failing miserably at this!
So in this train of thought (over the past few weeks) I've been praying to see what does God need from me regarding my church (specifically). And while that is still an intangible concept to me, I began to pray about what God may want the church (general) to be like.
Acts 4:31 (The Message)
But I have been praying and thinking and thinking and praying and I had some thoughts that I just had to turn to my Bible and Blogger and see if I can put it together in a way that makes sense. Specially since I slept for about... 5hours today? Some ridiculous amount which means I won't be able to fall asleep any time soon. Hopefully after this I'll get to my Veterinary Assisting course, I've kinda' neglected it for a while.
So I've been praying for our little church, and about church, and then church in general. One of my biggest questions, personally, is why I go to church. Is it my Sunday morning ritual? Because it's tradition? Because it makes me feel better about myself for going? Because it's what "Christians" do? I honestly don't really know, but I believe that any kind of dissatisfaction you may have about going to church roots from your reasons. Example: If you complain that your church doesn't provide childcare, it may be because you go to church expecting a break from your kids on Sunday morning, thus when your needs aren't being met - you have a problem with your church. Same thing if "your music" isn't played, or your aren't hearing the right kind of sermons, etc... it all stems from your expectation of what the church should do for you and why you attend. Capische?
So I was asking myself, why do I go to church? And why this particular church? And I've been praying about it for a long time. Because usually my prayers are focused on me: Lord, I need help with the rent/car/kids/daycare/husband/pet/job etc. I need, I need, I want, I want. Then, realizing how self-centered I've been lately, I prayed for others... I have an online acquaintance named Carla who just had a premature baby due to strokes, which are the result of a heart infection that requires major heart surgery, which is postponed because now they found two sources of cancer in her body, for which she is going through chemo... all the while the husband isn't working to stay by her side and to be with the little one, who has really immature lungs and needs all the physical touch he can get to grow and get strong enough to breathe and eat on his own.... (and I thought I needed prayers? Seriously!) I came to the conclusion that we all NEED something, and I acknowledged that I'm just used to having the Lord help me with EVERYTHING! I can't handle any trial on my own two feet. I can't even do my job without His help. I pray on my way there, and back. I need help to love my kids and have patience because I'm exhausted ALL THE TIME and my kids are another full-time job at home. Lord, I'm just needy. I need God with me every step of the way. I may not have needs as urgent or difficult as others, but I'm needy all the time. I'm completely codependent.
Then one day I was driving and it hit me to ask, "Lord, what do YOU need?" And my first answer was the logical one: Nothing! He owns the earth and the sky and He doesn't need anything. And yet, He chooses to partner with us to bring His kingdom to earth. He doesn't do it Himself, He depends on us to reach out and love and serve each other and those that aren't so lovable... He needs us to be His hands and feet, and His ambassadors, here on planet earth. God, I'm so sorry that we've been failing miserably at this!
So in this train of thought (over the past few weeks) I've been praying to see what does God need from me regarding my church (specifically). And while that is still an intangible concept to me, I began to pray about what God may want the church (general) to be like.
Acts 4:32-35 (The Message)
32-33The whole congregation of believers was united as one—one heart, one mind! They didn't even claim ownership of their own possessions. No one said, "That's mine; you can't have it." They shared everything. The apostles gave powerful witness to the resurrection of the Master Jesus, and grace was on all of them.
34-35And so it turned out that not a person among them was needy. Those who owned fields or houses sold them and brought the price of the sale to the apostles and made an offering of it. The apostles then distributed it according to each person's need.
This was one section of my Bible that I highlighted as I went over and over it. Unity! In other words, the absence of complaining! Now this scripture seemed a bit ... communistic for me? Which in politics communism is a BAD thing but I'm seeing that in the Church, if the church (general) would be willing to share and love as the church first did... It would be such a powerful testimony! That we could say, within our own, that we have helped and sustained our family in Christ! I can't help but have a difficult time imagining this Scripture come to life... Because I can see all the justifications: "Oh, he just needs to get a job." "They just want to mooch of the church." "I worked hard to get myself where I'm at, and they should too!" I can't even fathom what it would look like if I personally lived like that... maybe because we tend to be on the "needy" side more than the generous side. There was a season where we could be generous and we paid medical bills and helped other with groceries and it was no sweat off our back. Now, more than ever, any aspect of generosity comes at a great sweat for us. I have to fight off anxiety attacks (honest truth) to give to something that isn't our rent or our bills. And I am fearing homelessness now more than ever (but at least we're in the summer, right?)
Acts 2:41-47 (The Message)
41-42That day about three thousand took him at his word, were baptized and were signed up. They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers.
43-45Everyone around was in awe—all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met.
46-47They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved.
This one is fully loaded:
- "committed themselves to the teaching... the life together... the common meal, and the prayers." Commitment is the biggest phobia most people have within the church (general) to begin with! But it wasn't a commitment to a church position or program... it was to each other! They committed to spend time together to study the Word, to "do" life together, and to pray together! What would it be like if we lived with open doors and hearts? That everyone could plainly see what our life was like and how we treated our family? That we would welcome each other on more than just a Sunday morning basis to study the Bible together and pray?
- They followed a daily discipline of worship at the Temple followed by meals at home... yeah like that would fly well at church today! Really? But I can see that this wasn't a mandate obviously, rather more of a consequence of their love for God and each other. It was joyful and "exuberant". It overflowed out of their commitment to do life and bible study together.
- "People in general liked what they saw." Oh Lord Jesus, help us! Because that is not what our city is saying of our church (general) today! Can we honestly say that people in general like what they see about us? Is there anything to like left in us?
So in reading and studying what the church should be - as these are the Scriptures showing the history of how the church began in the first place - then I could see that so many things are extra. They are like icing and cherries on the cake. And yet, for many places of worship, they are trying to sustain themselves on nothing but icing and cherries!
At the very foundation for the church is Christ, and a love for Him, and from there is built up a group of people who love Christ and love each other, and these people experience life together as they seek to learn more of God and live more like Him, and in these endeavors they support each other and they do it together... Then they go to the temple to worship God and come back home to help each other out.
Well, from where I'm standing right now I'm having a hard time imagining this in a real life scenario. But there is one little element that I am missing:
Acts 2:1-4 (The Message)
1-4 When the Feast of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Without warning there was a sound like a strong wind, gale force—no one could tell where it came from. It filled the whole building. Then, like a wildfire, the Holy Spirit spread through their ranks, and they started speaking in a number of different languages as the Spirit prompted them.Acts 4:31 (The Message)
31While they were praying, the place where they were meeting trembled and shook. They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak God's Word with fearless confidence.
Acts 10:39-46 (The Message)39-43"And we saw it, saw it all, everything he did in the land of the Jews and in Jerusalem where they killed him, hung him from a cross. But in three days God had him up, alive, and out where he could be seen. Not everyone saw him—he wasn't put on public display. Witnesses had been carefully handpicked by God beforehand—us! We were the ones, there to eat and drink with him after he came back from the dead. He commissioned us to announce this in public, to bear solemn witness that he is in fact the One whom God destined as Judge of the living and dead. But we're not alone in this. Our witness that he is the means to forgiveness of sins is backed up by the witness of all the prophets."
44-46No sooner were these words out of Peter's mouth than the Holy Spirit came on the listeners. The believing Jews who had come with Peter couldn't believe it, couldn't believe that the gift of the Holy Spirit was poured out on "outsider" non-Jews, but there it was—they heard them speaking in tongues, heard them praising God.
46-48Then Peter said, "Do I hear any objections to baptizing these friends with water? They've received the Holy Spirit exactly as we did." Hearing no objections, he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ.
Then they asked Peter to stay on for a few days.
I will not even begin to pretend to explain the mystery in the bible known as speaking in tongues. I will say that I have not read any particular evidence that would demonstrate this no longer happens, or that there is a formula to make it happen. So because, as I read the Bible, I don't see it telling me anywhere that speaking in tongues no longer happens, I firmly believe that it still does. Beyond that, I have no theological doctorate. My faith and my belief is as simple as that of a child: If God says He did it, then He can do it again even now, unless (like the flood in Noah's day) He specifically says He won't do it again.
I will tie this in to the church that there is overwhelming Scriptural evidence that we need something supernatural to happen in the church - a God-touch, if you will - and it can't just be our efforts. No where in the building of the early church does it show that the church was built up out of "good intentions" or "sound biblical doctrine", at least not exclusively. The power of God was present as they prayed and moved in such ways that people took notice and things happened! There was healing! There were miracles! And a church that doesn't experience these things to some degree or other is a church that is not functioning in partnership with God Himself. And while I cannot put a measure on what it would all look like, I have to assume that a church sees God answer prayer, experiences some kind of supernatural intervention, believes in miracles (otherwise, why pray?) because without any of this supernatural stuff all you have is a social club (sorry!).
So there is this divine dance of God-touches and committed people weaving back and forth through the book of acts. And I assume that I need to do my part as far as being committed, but only God can do the supernatural aspects (duh), and I honestly don't know what should come first. Historically, the supernatural (pentecost) came first, and then the church disciplined themselves into a functional body. But now, should we wait? Should the church (general) sit around and wait for something supernatural to happen before we start living like the church Christ originally intended? Or would this be wishful thinking?
Could it be that God needs us to start being about the church, lining ourselves up with what made the early church successful in the first place, and then the supernatural will follow as God assists us in building His kingdom?
As for me, personally, doing the Sunday morning thing is not at all beneficial. Just doing Sunday morning at church because it's such a nice tradition... quite frankly... sucks. It is exhausting to get up early on a Sunday and get three kids ready and out the door for a whole morning at church... my kids don't find it a whole lot of fun, and on my day off I'd rather sleep in. So I know already that I'm going to church on Sunday mornings expecting... more. I want to sing my heart out to God, be fed with His Word, and pray with my brothers and sisters. And I still want more! I don't know quite what I'm missing here, but under God's direction I have to keep at it until I find it.
I want it to be a point in my week where God comes down and touches a group of humble, needy people that are hungry to be touched by Him. And I have the faith to believe that God can do so in more than just the proverbial "tug of the heart", but something a lot more visible and tangible within the congregation. I don't know whether it will look like Pentecost (tongues of fire falling on people and they pray and speak in a different language from what they originally know) or like the revival in the fictional story "In His Steps" (where there was a large crowd just praying, long after the service, and committing themselves to living "as Jesus would", in such a way that it revolutionized the city). Heck, why not ask for both?
So I pray and ask God what He wants from me, and what I need to be. The biggest thing burning in my daily walk with God was when He told me, "What's with all this concern of what you are getting out of church? Whatever happened to coming to church asking what you can do for me?" Behold my reason for being in Alaska (and not in Florida). But what can I possibly do to help bring the church (specific) from point A (where we are now) to point B (a book-of-Acts type church)?
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