Why blog?

It's therapeutic... specially for dorks like me who communicate better when they have the chance to process their thoughts, select their words, and write precisely what they want to say. As much as I'm a "talker", I stumble, stutter, and don't always say things right. English as a second language might have something to do with that (unfortunately, I don't think I could blog in Spanish... I lost my grammar in that language). I like to pour out my thoughts and leave it out there in the cosmos (or the world wide web) for other people to mull over...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I Need Discipline!

Everyone always gives me my excuse for dropping the ball on the things I should do: But you're a MOM of THREE little ones!? Of course you can't keep up with everything! You need to take it easy! You gotta take care of them too!

I don't like it... I wonder if it's because bill collectors, or the landlord, or even God Himself would accept that excuse for me.

But I have to be honest in that I feel I need 28 hours in a day to be able to accomplish all the little things I need to do and then some of the bigger projects to tackle. I feel like after I come home from work I can only do ONE thing, then it's bedtime!

I either clean, or study for my Veterinary Assisting class, or do groceries, or read my Bible, or exercise, or train Pepper, or read to the kids. Maybe, with some coffee or coke, I can do two of these things in one night... But that's pretty much it. Unfortunately, these are ALL things I need to do, without neglecting my kids or my husband. And some of these are disciplines that I need to do every day for my own health (be it physically or spiritually)!

The priority level of these things are superseded by the ENERGY level I may have.

I know a lot of people would say that reading the Bible/praying are extras, for when I have time or if the kids fall asleep early. I would have to disagree. Do you want to see me in a crappy mood? Let me go weeks without refreshing my thought process, my heart, and my emotions in God's Word. Any grace that I may have, any good virtue, any thing admirable or praise worthy is all a direct effect of God working in my life through my relationship with Him.

Outside of God I'm cranky, short-tempered, and harsh. Vengeful and spiteful. Lazy unlike anything on this green earth! I do not make a good employee, friend, wife, or mother without God's help. I'm not being preachy, just honest!

And yet I find myself running on an empty tank, hoping I don't break down before the next fill-up, I treat myself spiritually the way I do my car! Paycheck to paycheck, empty to empty.

My physical being needs maintenance and upkeep as well. These extra pounds I'm carrying aren't helping me get over sore joints and aches any quicker. I don't want to slim to a specific size or weight, I want to be healthy! To know that I can run as fast and as far as my kids and my husband if the need arises. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I know the answer is discipline! I'm praying for it, alongside wisdom. Getting up a little earlier, being more productive on my lunch break, getting the kids to go to bed at a sooner hour. Investing time and effort into those things I consider worthwhile a little every day! It frustrates me to KNOW what I have to do and yet have no real intentions of executing it. I sometimes wonder if I am working too much, even though at this point I need to.

Lord, You love me and You know me. You know exactly where I am right now, and how to reach me. I'm calling out to You for help. I need Your strength. I need that strength from Scriptures, like the one that says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Give me the wisdom to prioritize my hours, my day, and thus my life. Give me the joy and zeal during the day to accomplish the things that are important to You! Give me the rest and peace at night so I can sleep and recover from day to day. Give me a passion and a calling that will push me more than what I may be feeling physically or mentally. I am breaking free from pain and fatigue in Your Name, because Your work on the cross made me whole! In the Name of Jesus I pray - Amen.

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