Why blog?

It's therapeutic... specially for dorks like me who communicate better when they have the chance to process their thoughts, select their words, and write precisely what they want to say. As much as I'm a "talker", I stumble, stutter, and don't always say things right. English as a second language might have something to do with that (unfortunately, I don't think I could blog in Spanish... I lost my grammar in that language). I like to pour out my thoughts and leave it out there in the cosmos (or the world wide web) for other people to mull over...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Long time no post

Holy cow is it hard to blog when you have 3 kids! I feel like I only have small bursts of 30 minutes or so to spare and I eat, use the bathroom, or shower in these breaks. The rest of the time is keeping my baby girl from eating stuff out of the trash (why? I don't know) or my 3 year old from swinging off the stair banisters like Spiderman.

Even now it's 11+pm, 13 degrees outside, and my contacts are blurry. I have my newborn on my chest and a laptop on my lap, while my husband jams out to Guitar Hero on low volume... because this is the only time of night to enjoy this kind of stuff.

I have to say, I love the view over Cheney Lake. The lake is frozen over, which at night reflects this silvery-white solid color from the moon. The trees are barren, and behind them is the mountains - which look post-card perfect. The mountains are snowed over and stick out against the dark sky behind them. I wish I had a camera that would capture the beautiful darkness of this view without flash.

Well, a camera would be nice. Period. =)

Well anyhow, driving by that view (day or night) makes me stand in awe of God. I just can't help but worship Him in the glory of His creation. I'm thankful to live close to beautiful sights like that... didn't really have it in Florida unless you drove out for a while towards the ocean. Nature works on your heart! You are captivated by beauty, your heart feels at rest, you realize the sovereignty of God.

Not only that, but He really knocked on my heart through our Fireproof bible study last Sunday. It drove the point home that we cannot give of what we do not have - specially when it comes to love. The kind of love that will maintain your marriage. The kind of love that leads others to the Lord. The kind of love that nurtures your kids. We get this love from the love of God - we drink it in, pour it over, bask in it, and live through it. 1 John 4:9-17 goes over this again and again: God loves us first, then we love others, because He is love and He lives in us. Now we live through Him, and through love. And His love is made complete in us when we are experiencing the love we give/receive from one another...

"It's all about love, love, love, love, love..."

I think nature, this winter, is how God is helping me to fall in love with Him all over again. He wants us to remember our first love, that feeling of joy unspeakable we felt when we first accepted Him as Savior - when we realized our sins had been washed away, when we felt His presence in our hearts and longed for time in prayer and in His Word.... are you still feeling that love today? I know sometimes I fall away from this love with the busyness of life. Exhaustion drowns out any passion for anything at the end of the day... and at the beginning of the day too.

And then I'm driving home, I look out my window, and I see those mountains behind the lake, which looks completely different from the view I had seen just a couple of weeks ago... And that love is rekindled, and I can't wait to get home. I do whatever I need to do to keep the kids satisfied so I can run to the comfort of God's Word. All of the sudden my life feels like the phrase from Kim Walker's song, "Oh how He loves us" - where she talks about our "afflictions eclipsed by glory". That phrase is exactly it.

It's nice to live in this lovey feeling with the Lord. I was tired of living in worry, disappointment, frustration, and stress. Not that I did intentionally. No one does. But my hormones had the best of me. I wanted to cry all the time... then again, having a baby does that to a woman. My little one is 17 days old! My body is still readjusting. I know that. I know that this is normal. And yet the Lord says, "My grace is sufficient for you," and, "the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts in Christ Jesus." And I take a look at the mountains and it's almost as if the Word that was spoken to bring the mountains into existence speaks to my heart and commands it still.

There are a lot of prayer burdens in my heart, mostly for others and not a whole lot for me. Mines are basic. But I have friends and family struggling and needing various things and I just pray that, not only are their needs met, but that they experience the goodness of God through it. It may seem really odd to taste God and see that He is good in the middle of our trials - even in the middle of our suffering - but He can be so sweet to us it's comforting.

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