Why blog?

It's therapeutic... specially for dorks like me who communicate better when they have the chance to process their thoughts, select their words, and write precisely what they want to say. As much as I'm a "talker", I stumble, stutter, and don't always say things right. English as a second language might have something to do with that (unfortunately, I don't think I could blog in Spanish... I lost my grammar in that language). I like to pour out my thoughts and leave it out there in the cosmos (or the world wide web) for other people to mull over...

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Wait! Shh... Did you hear that?

I regretfully admit that I have spent more time fussing about a myriad of things than I have been blogging or sharing what God is doing in my life... probably, if I'm honest, because I wasn't letting Him DO anything; I was too busy in my own temper tantrum to let Him work!

But today was pretty awesome.  I was very touched by the sermon at church today, and it made me realize how much I love being at church on Sunday, and how much I'm edified by hearing God's Word!  In the craziness of everything going on (sick kids, sick self, child care, insurance, bleeegh...) I lost any sense of balance.  I was letting my emotions and everything going on control me and my attitude.  Not good at all! I know we all can be guilty of that sometimes, and I'm slowly but surely working on getting that balance back... by giving myself the time to focus on what I need the most: my Master's voice.

It may sound psychotic but what I mean is, taking the time to hush everything around me and meditate on Scripture, repeat to myself what the Bible says is true, enough times to where I start believing it and allowing it to improve my emotions and my bad attitude.

I need some much needed me-time so that I can be a better mom, wife, employee, and friend.  I need to give myself the time to exercise and take vitamins, so that I'm not sick and running on caffeine.  I need to give myself the time to rest so I can stay mentally sharp.  I need to give myself the time to blog because I feel like I lose my voice, my opinions, and my calling if I don't.  I haven't read a book in YEARS.

Then I also need to give my kids and my husband time.  They all love to talk (I wonder where they got THAT from!).  Anakin is a walking biology class, always wanting to share what he read in a book about animals or the human body.  He starts every other sentence with, "Did you know..?"  Caleb will destroy your place if you are not paying direct attention to him.  Brielle is very girly and is so much more feminine than I am, I feel pressured to keep up with my 4 year old!  She gives herself a mani/pedi every Sunday before starting the school week, because so help her if she goes to school on Monday and her nail polish is chipped.  And then you look at me and I don't shave my legs for months at a time, I chew my nails, and my hair looks like crap....*sigh* She is a gentle reminder for me to be at my best.

So I was incredibly refreshed by today's sermon and yesterday's long, long, LONG walk.

Yersterday's walk was in response to my deep, suppressed desire to be outside and in direct sunlight.  Winter sucked.  And now that spring is here I spend 8 hours of my day inside at work.  And in the evenings there's so much to do that I'm not always outside.  I want to host outdoor Mary Kay parties, I'm tellin' ya!  But I didn't want to be by myself outside, I wanted to spend time with the hubby and kids.  It was our anniversary weekend.  I would've loved to have planned a date w/ Paul but we didn't have a sitter.  One day I will have a sitter, not work on Saturday, and spend the day just me and him.  This weekend wasn't that day but it didn't mean that we couldn't turn off the TV and the computers and go outside where there's nothing else to do but talk to each other and walk!  So we took a hike, walked along the coastal trail from Kincaid Park to almost Point Woronzoff, and back.  I wanted to go to the beach but we missed the turn off, so we walked along the coast and saw the water from a distance (it's ok, I now know how to get to the beach, so maybe next time when it's a bit greener outside).  We walked way more than we should've and the kids were exhausted, but I'm happy to report that Caleb did not have a stroller and even he walked most of the way... and enjoyed it.  The kids were awestruck by nature, although a bit peeved that we were never "there yet".  I don't think they enjoyed just the walk as much as Aspen and I did!  I loved the smell of the trees, the view, the sunlight.  The break in the routine.  It is therapeutic for me - if ever I'm getting too pissy, just kidnap me and drop me off on a trail where I have to walk home.  I guarantee you my attitude will be MUCH better once I get home (provided I have food and water for my hike LOL) :)

I'm thankful my hubby and I both love being outdoors.  I want to get in shape and lose weight - so does he - and summer gives us the perfect opportunity to do so w/o spending too much money.

Today's sermon was exactly what I needed to hear at the finish of this week and the start of this next one.
- It's not your past that destroys you.  It's your pride!
- It's not sin that kills you, it's self pity!
- It's not failure that disqualifies us; it's our facade!
- It's not your lips that prove your love, it's your life!
- It's not about how you compare to others, it's about how you compare to your calling!
- It's not your mistakes that define you, it's your mission!

I can't quite preach like Pastor Gary but I recommend if you want to hear more,  you should come check out the sermon series "The Road to Emmaus" that we are doing at our church (Lifechange Assembly of God, on 15th and C St) Sundays at 10:30am.  So I'll spare you the sermon but let you know how it spoke to me:
- I've been too proud to admit that I need God's help and I can't work things out on my own.  I'm a hot mess on my own, to be precise.  But instead of humbling myself and asking God for help I've just been frustrated and cranky as to how things are NOT working out.
- Most of my whining has been about things not going right for me.  I have been so self-centered that now that I realize it I have been so disgusted with how little I've really thought of my friends, family, and church.  Just stuck in the rut and complaining the whole time.  Then I wonder why I was sick in the first place!
- If I fake like everything is fine then no one, not even God, can help me.  God can deal with my failures, He's strong enough to help me through them, and He has the power to turn them around for my good.  I just have to be open about it, instead of constantly acting like I got everything together.
- ♪♫ Let my lifesong sing to You... let my lifesong sing to You. I want to shout your Name at the end of the day, knowing that my life was true... let my lifesong sing to You.
- I sometimes gag at some of my friends on facebook, specially the moms around my age, because they seem so picture perfect and loving about their kids... like Martha Stewart posters, and I can't even match clean socks to save my life.  Thank God I'm not supposed to strive to be like them; the only person I'm competing with is myself - the only goal is to be a better me today than I was yesterday.  It's liberating...
- What's my mission?  I've been constantly encouraged, through my business and my church, to figure out what my goals are, to map it out, to determine my course of action in pursuit of my dream.  But it all still looks fussy to me, although I know that my business factors into it.  Maybe with a little bit more prayer time, a little bit more dreaming time, I can lay it all out.

That's all for today folks!

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