Why blog?

It's therapeutic... specially for dorks like me who communicate better when they have the chance to process their thoughts, select their words, and write precisely what they want to say. As much as I'm a "talker", I stumble, stutter, and don't always say things right. English as a second language might have something to do with that (unfortunately, I don't think I could blog in Spanish... I lost my grammar in that language). I like to pour out my thoughts and leave it out there in the cosmos (or the world wide web) for other people to mull over...

Monday, June 7, 2010


I did it! The most uncomfortable part I had to face was done. I gave my notice of resignation to my bosses and talked to them face to face. Nothing personal, strictly a career move. They seemed disappointed but not angry. And I do appreciate them. I also pray they find someone that really REALLY wants to work in Law and Immigration. It was difficult, but God gave me the strength to stick by my guns so to speak.

So now I'm ready to start transitioning into my veterinary technician schoolwork and my dog grooming job. And yes I'll be very happy. It's not beneath me to wash a dog. Dogs are more forgiving than people. And they don't have a bad day and take out their frustration on you!

My other adventure was the working out. I am starting the P90X (eek!). I realized I'm a bit fitter than I've been before. Still not fit enough. It's rough because I know this work out is going to kick my butt and I'm going to feel so defeated at how little I could do and how wimpy I am! At the same time, I know that I'm not going to have the energy and strength I want if I don't start somewhere! And I still believe I can lose 25 more pounds.

I thoroughly enjoyed coming home and sitting with my kids, as they told me all about their day. We had a long conversation about what they ate for lunch and what went on in the TV shows they watched. Then Anakin told me he wanted a "smaller big guitar" (not a toy one) because he really wanted to play it. But as we were talking about it, he remembered he had a drum set, and made up his mind that Daddy can play the guitar because he wants to learn to play the drums. We will see! I gotta get ready for his birthday. What are we doing? No clue. Maybe a party. Maybe a family day out. I have NO idea.

I am reading through the book of Joshua now. It's taking me forever, but at least what little I read I absorb. That phrase of "getting into your prayer closet" or "going to the secret place" is kinda' a joke in my life! If I'm home at any given time I'll hear Brielle (RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR) or Caleb (AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHH) or Anakin (MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!) and my bible reading time involves seeing the kids jumping off furniture and whacking each other with toys... and Caleb puking on the carpet. And to truly hear my own thoughts when I pray I HAVE to go for a jog! But I need to go for a jog with Paul just to talk to him too.

Which brings me to an odd turning point: I love to run! I love to go for jogs, I put on my sneakers and I'm ansy to head out the door. Not to lose weight. Not to check off "exercise" from my list. Only because it gets quiet enough around me for me to hear my own thoughts! I cannot get three words in my MIND without stuttering!! IN MY HEAD! When I jog all the tension leaves my body and I feel like I can catch my breath. Like I can finish my thoughts to where they are finally cohesive! And in doing so I can actually pray and ask God for what I want and think about what God may want.

Yes its ridiculous, but my biggest struggle in prayer is that my attention span is that of a gerbils and I can't get past "dear heavenly Father" without jumping through 20 different unfinished thoughts and end up staring out the window. If you were to stick a mic up my ear and plug it to a speaker that would broadcast my thoughts, it would sound something like this:

"Dear Jesus - Anakin did you pee on - Brielle don't eat - Caleb is crying again? Anywhoo - Yikes! I forgot the car insu - we've never registered the ca - what's up with my car tag? DFY 777 are they tryin' to say something? I'm going to change it to - what Scripture? - Man I remember waking up at 6:33 am every morning I was stressed when I was memorizing the book of Matthew - I haven't memorized Scripture - Anakin hasn't memorized - what am I gonna do for Children's - I haven't seen XXXX or XXXX - Did Paul call - I hope someone remembered to switch the loads - if we move, I need a washer - need a new vacuum - I want a food scale - church needs a projector - maybe w/ our tax refu - can't wait till we get our PF - ♪ Cuz' you've had a bad day, you've taken one down ♫ Oh God I'm sorry I'm trying but - Hi Leo! I'm glad you're home today..."

Behold, why I HAVE to blog. I need to blog. Writing forces me to finish my thoughts and my sentences and organize them to where they make sense. When I'm really tense I write out my prayers - pages and pages of journals - because at least I feel like I PRAYED. It's also why I do so many blogs on Bible Studies. If I didn't, I wouldn't remember what I learned at church or read or even if I did. It is that hectic.

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