I've been very cranky lately. I haven't been able to blog because I couldn't quite put it into words. But I think over the past couple of weeks I was able to talk things out with Paul and it helped me define all these abstract thoughts and feelings I've had for a bit.
They kind of sounded something like this at first: "Piss off."
When I'm in this mood, run away if you can.
I have to be honest, I'm just sick and tired of people. Mankind. And I don't have the patience for anyone's stupidity.
The reason being is probably that I have a lot more on my plate to deal with between my husband and my kids to deal with you. And if I work with you, then you are like... down on the fourth tier of my priorities because I want to have a good working relationship with you since I spend a lot of time with you. And yes, that puts you higher than a lot of other people. But everyone else can just piss off.
So I've been thinking as to what put me this way. If I think of individual friends and loved ones I can see that I do care about them and love them. But here's what it boils down to:
I don't want to hear your drama more than ONCE if you're not going to take my advice. I don't give my advice very generously either, so if you ask me, "What should I do?" then you better be seriously considering it. But don't waste my time just because you want to be drowning in your drama for no good reason:
- Bad relationship? Break up. Tough marriage? Work it out. Good relationship? Get married. If I wanted to be sucked in to a never-ending soppy love story I'd watch the Titanic again. I can only handle other people's romances (fictional or non-fictional) for oh.. 90 minutes per case.
- Finances are tight? You either a) get another job b) go to school and do something to better yourself to get a better job c) stop shopping and start prioritizing.
- Kids are out of control? Spank them. Or put them on time out. Your pick, you're the parent. But if you are letting your children run your home instead of you then don't smirk at my parenting advice. I have 3 kids under 5, do you hear me whining about my kids being out of control? No. Are they perfect? Heck no. But Paul and I are the ones in charge even when it's easier not to be.
It may sound heartless, but I'm just saying... there are people with real difficult situations that are legitimately stuck and standing by faith. Or not standing by faith and struggling. If your drama lasts more than 21 days it's because you've now made it a habit and you want it to be. Grow some balls, tell other people to piss off if need be, and be happy! And then let everybody else be happy too!
I could have compassion if you are a military wife and your husband's on deployment... you may need a shoulder to vent and obviously have matters in your heart that are weighing on you - which will no-duh take longer than 21 days. I'm not completely heartless. Or if your kids have behavioral issues because they have disabilities. Or if your financial situation is something that would take years of hard work to resolve. Geesh I'm not heartless. By all means, whine away! If you've faced a long battle with cancer, or had to take care of a loved one with a terminal illness for years on end... It goes without saying that you are not looking for your drama or perpetuating it by your own decisions.
But otherwise, don't tell me what you are unhappy with unless you are also sharing what you are doing about it. And if you are just going to sit around to be unhappy don't expect me to sit and join you in your pity party.
Here's the other side of this coin:
I don't want to share my business with you. And if I don't, its because I don't believe you are qualified to give me any advice. So I don't want to hear your two cents! If I open up and share with you or whine in public, you can do one of two things: a) say, "that sucks" and nod b) Say, "this is what I did in a similar situation... if its of any help" and leave it alone. I don't want to be converted to your thought process because, like YOU, I'm going to do whatever I feel like doing anyways.
I have found that people love to take you when you are down and find points to criticize you or judge you.... Oh how they are quick to jump on you like you're a freakin' trampoline and tell you all the things you've done wrong (according to them) and basically point out why you deserve your trouble. Or you talk about my husband - which is the perfect thing to do if you want me to shut you out. So don't look surprised if I'm keeping to myself. It may very well be that there is nothing talk-worthy going on in my life to share. Or its simply that my time is precious and I don't think I'll benefit at all from having a conversation with YOU.
Show me the walk behind your talk. Another peeve of mine is people who use cliche faith phrases like, "oh, just wait on the Lord..." Really!? When have YOU ever done anything other than instantly gratify your every fleshy desire? You want to suggest to me that I need to have faith, wait patiently, and be obedient... When there is nothing about your life that would indicate to me you are doing the same? Yeah your words are falling on deaf ears. Specially if when I point out the same to you, you can give me all your excuses for why you're NOT doing things biblically.
There are very, VERY few people I genuinely listen to for advice or encouragement, specially when it comes to spiritual matters. If I'm struggling with belief, I would look or listen to someone who is believing in God for very big things. But if you don't even have the faith to commit and serve your church how can you possibly tell me to believe in a God or trust in a God that you obviously don't? At least, not entirely?
Oh but its so convenient to turn to a psychologist, sex, credit card, or medication to help YOU with your situations... and yet all you have to offer me is to, "have patience?" Not that a psychologist or medication are bad in and of itself, and its good to recommend these if need be. But when you are obviously not the kind of person that has fought any demons (or "personal battles") because you instantly gratify whatever it is that is bugging you, don't just conveniently tell me that I should, "wait and things will get better".
Bigger thing is, don't try to give me marriage advice if you are not married. Don't give me parenting suggestions if you are not a parent. Don't give my financial advice if you are in debt. Don't give me spiritual advice if you are not obedient and faithful under fire. You are not qualified.
With all that being said, there's not a whole lot of people I even want to talk to or hear from. There are even less things I want to talk about with the people that I do want to talk to. I know I'll have a couple of my friends read this and go, "fine! Screw her!" But the reality is, I respect you enough to not waste your time with my drama, and I'll appreciate it if you don't waste my time with yours. I have a 0 tolerance for drama, I don't like being in it myself, and I'd rather resolve it as soon as possible. I don't linger in uncomfortable or unpleasant situations unless I distinctly have God instruct me to stick it out. I can't keep up with duplicity. I can't remember who you are friends with and who you are not. I can't keep track of what it is that you are doing that no one is supposed to know because I don't live with secrets (ever wonder why Paul and I got married so quickly out of high school? Long story short: To do what we wanted to do - which was be together - and tell anyone who didn't like it to piss off. We paid the price for telling others to piss off - we are still paying the price for that. But I'm not going to try to fool others and I'm certainly not going to be fooled by your excuses).
If you want to do whatever you want, GO! But have the balls to own up to it before everyone! I may tell you its not the best way to do it, I may even encourage you not to do it, but at the end of the day if you don't listen to me, it's entirely your choice! I truthfully, more today than ever, can honestly say that I don't do anything I wouldn't want my Mother to find out about. I never said I don't do anything she wouldn't like me to do. But I only have ONE life to live and I'm only going to live ONE way and I can't keep track of any lies or secrets so I may as well live with the truth on all sides. Right now the truth is that I want half the world to just piss off. Unless you are buying me a caramel mocha and taking me to do something fun I don't really want to hear it.
You either like that or hate it... Either way, this is me, my emotions on my sleeve. You can disagree and be my friend or go and stay out of my way.