Why blog?

It's therapeutic... specially for dorks like me who communicate better when they have the chance to process their thoughts, select their words, and write precisely what they want to say. As much as I'm a "talker", I stumble, stutter, and don't always say things right. English as a second language might have something to do with that (unfortunately, I don't think I could blog in Spanish... I lost my grammar in that language). I like to pour out my thoughts and leave it out there in the cosmos (or the world wide web) for other people to mull over...

Sunday, April 18, 2010


I am starting to get back on the ball with the fundraising for a couple of things that have a soft spot in my heart.

So, for Relay for Life, I bought 2 Luminaras, one in memory of my "Abuela" Teresa and one in honor of my Aunt Virginia. That's a $20 donation that puts me at half way there from my goal. Then I also ordered my family's gear for that event - and the proceeds go to the American Cancer Association - AND we can keep the items and use them for the gym. I got a shirt for Paul, a long-sleeved shirt for Vi, for me, for the kids, and a onesie for Caleb. It should be here soon or at least by May 10th. Not that it's that important to begin with, but I personally would like to wear the shirt when I hit the gym after that too.

Which reminds me, I need to go through my closet. I have tons of clothes I do not use, and then some more than now are a bit too big and baggy, and if I get rid of all of it then I'll SEE what I need to buy (clothes-wise) and keep it in mind when I go shopping versus buying a whole bunch of stuff on a whim that further gets buried under the mess of stuff I don't wear.

That was a rabbit trail. Sorry. I multi-task.

I also joined March for Babies, funded by March for Dimes. March for Dimes funds research and treatment to help more moms give birth to healthy babies, mainly focusing on bringing the babies to birth full term and providing better medical care when they are born prematurely. They also help to research and prevent birth defects.

My sister-in-law was doing March for Babies on April 24th, and I missed the facebook post when she announced it! I also have no idea how to donate for her. But I also joined the Anchorage March for Babies on May 15th, and Paul and I will be walking 3 miles for Caiden Anthony, for Elizabeth Hope, and for my unknown little sister.

Not a lot of people know that my little sister, Valentina, was actually a twin. My mom was pregnant with twins, and around the 7th month she went into pre-term labor. Valentina was born ok, but her twin was under-developed and couldn't survive outside the womb. I was 6 years old then, and I don't know in detail how my mom coped with that. We were too happy to have Valentina, and as far as my other sister - we didn't name her, or mourn her... But that's the way babies born dead were "dealt with" in the early 90s, by medical staff and by society. And my mom had herself, Valentina, and me at home to take care of and be strong for.

Well, I love my little sister, and I'm thankful to God for her!

But it's hard to let go of a life that you were so anticipating sharing. I don't know exactly how that feels as a Mom but I know I almost lost Anakin at one point and Paul and I were just not ready... You never are. You find out that a baby is on the way and you brace yourself to have your whole life changed in the most wonderful way... and I can only imagine an indescribable emptiness and sense of loss from NOT having your life changed by this child. It's like I heard in the movie "Facing the Giants": "How could I love someone so much that I haven't even met?"

Maybe that's why I can't understand abortion. But that's another blog. I'm walking on May 15th for all the moms who wanted their babies, who mourned for them, and for the hope of more Moms not experiencing that pain.

And then the NEXT Saturday, May 21-22nd, I'm doing relay for life - a non-stop walking around the track because "cancer never sleeps", which means by June I will be exhausted. But it will be worth it. Now I'm praying I can rally some physical support from my church and my friends - maybe have someone walk w/ me (I would like to not be the only one on the track for 24 hours!), help with fundraising, or help w/ setting up a tent for us. We shall see. I want to offer something at my booth to help the fundraising during this day, but I need to know what kind of manpower I will have.

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