Why blog?

It's therapeutic... specially for dorks like me who communicate better when they have the chance to process their thoughts, select their words, and write precisely what they want to say. As much as I'm a "talker", I stumble, stutter, and don't always say things right. English as a second language might have something to do with that (unfortunately, I don't think I could blog in Spanish... I lost my grammar in that language). I like to pour out my thoughts and leave it out there in the cosmos (or the world wide web) for other people to mull over...

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Whirlwind of Venting!!

Ok here it goes. I'm upset. I'm actually crushed. Things seem to be.. sabotaged? At my church. It's hard for me to put the words together in a tactful way. My first instinct is to go "what the heck is going on here? What's wrong w/ you people!? Are you really that retarded!!?" But see, I can't do that, cuz that's not tactful. So I won't start this blog there.

I think if I take a look back, I can say that some people are just clueless. And I know that others are self-centered and manipulative, wanting everything to go their way - refusing to be flexible, to have a "team-player" spirit, to be cooperative and supportive. They are only all about what's right before their two eyes and how it makes them feel!

And I can get past that, and pity these people, and move forward... Because it's ultimately not going to affect how good God is and what He has for me. So I can let it go if I'm a little selfish too. And most sensible, mature people overcome having to intersect lives with the kind of people from the paragraph above, and do just fine, right?

WRONG!

Because there's always a third person... A third force, so to speak. You see, there's the hand of God coordinating things for our good, and our blessing... And then, there's the hand of God backing away, allowing someone else's hand to interfere - because God wants to strengthen us, because He has faith in us (check THAT out!), or because He gave us free will to choose who will ultimately lead us. Either way, if it isn't God, it's Satan... Or Satan's minions... The third essence to every interaction.

You may think I'm crazy (I'M starting to feel like I'm crazy!) but it's true - it has to be. Haven't you ever felt like you were being sabotaged? Your friendships, your relationships... You have to have been there. You have this great relationship with your mom, and then *puuff* something happens that you cannot understand. It's like you are talking with each other but not communicating... These unexplainable misunderstandings that make you want to pull your hairs out. Yeah I KNOW I'm not the only that has had those moments, and then we're like, "Why? This is so stupid. Why is this going on?" Or things are going great between you and your significant other and then an argument blows up where you feel like there's no way HE HAS HEARD A WORD YOU SAY but at the end of the day you realize that was the dumbest misunderstanding to have ever been bothered with. Or like things are going AWESOME at your church and then a pastor's relative (cuz it ALWAYS has to do with the pastoral family) says/does something and someone else picks up on 1/4 of that and makes up the rest, leading to a huge distortion that gets spread around and next thing you know it's blown completely out of proportion!

See what I mean? SABOTAGE!

And the problem is not you or me, but everyone else that gets hit in that ripple effect. How many people have stopped following the Lord, turned away, and practically RUINED their lives because they saw this CRAP happen and said, "I don't want any part of this?" Mean while you live through it (although barely, at times). And the village idiot who caused the crap is just fine too, gloating in their accomplishment. But for every ONE village idiot there are 5 more who don't have that solid of a walk with God, who are kind of on the skeptic side, just "tasting to see that the Lord are good". And those 5 fall away. They get turned off from Christ because the people that represent Him are acting like MORONS and they are left wanting.

And the excuse is, "Oh, well, they are supposed to know the difference! If they really knew
God then they would be ok!" but now more than ever I'm convinced that it is a pitiful excuse to be cruel and push people away. It's a balm against the searing pain of a guilty conscience.

2 comments:

  1. Tie the knot and hold on! Remember you aren't alone! There are so many, including me, who are so grateful for you and your family and we truly believe you have been God sent. But being God sent doesn't mean smooth sailing - as we all know - but that we are given the promise of knowing that God is faithful and ALL of His promises are true. He's not interested in our comfort as much as our character. My heart breaks for the pain you have experienced at the hands of "Christians", but when we suffer with and for Christ, He knows and He won't forget.
    There is nothing wrong with venting, I do it all the time, but I try to, Like David in the Psalms, remember to end my venting time with - God is in control, God loves me and died for me, and I will not give up, I will follow Him - even if it is I alone. Easy, NO, but if it was easy everyone would do it, right?
    I say if nothing difficult is happening in your life, are you really alive? And if Satan isn't bothering you, you're probably not bothering Satan!
    Your points are very legitimate, but hold on, you only fail if you give up, I truly believe that God has pruned and prepared our church for something amazing and I want to be there and be a part of God's amazing plan!
    You are a wonderful woman of God, don't let Satan rob you of you joy.
    I have felt the frustration and pain and disappointment and heartbreak over what "Christians" have done, even ones who were supposed to know me well. But I am choosing now to keep my focus on Christ, not the storm and to focus on those who truly want to worship and praise God from their heart, from a heart who has a relationship with Christ and isn't just involved with "religion". You have been a great encouragement to our family and I thank God for you everytime I think of you.

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